Brian Kimmel

Indonesia with Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh

2010-10-03T02:55:00.000-07:00

Contribute to Brian's Journey to Indonesia with Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh
Funds still needed to pay back money I borrowed to afford international airfare and some lodging.
Photos of the trip will be uploaded soon.

Keep in touch with Dharma Talks from Thay Thich Nhat Hanh during the Southeast Asia Tour
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My Life is My Work

2010-05-23T12:11:00.000-07:00

"With the support of the Sangha, one can practice successfully, with ease, and accomplish quickly the great aspiration to help all beings."
-the 14th of the Fourteen Versus on Meditation by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh

Monday, May 24, 8:30 a.m. - 10:00 a.m.
Buddhist Puja & Blessing Ceremony
Tuesday, May 25, 7 - 9 p.m.
Sitting, Walking, Deep Listening, Tea and Dharma Talk

Last week of Resting with Peace Retreat

Today is the last day of our fast, and the start of the last week of our Resting with Peace Retreat. The ends of retreats are good times to consider what our path in life really is. It is a wonderful opportunity, and I invite you all, to share your aspirations, your hopes, your dreams, your concerns and your joys. Offering your presence is one way of sharing your aspiration. Without words, you sit, you walk, you listen and what you are offering is food for the community of practitioners and beyond to thrive on. And when you attend community events, you are ingesting the aspiration of those people around you. So wonderful when we meet together in peace, in freedom, in joy and solidity. I am confident in our ability as a sangha, a community of dedicated practitioners, to feed each other well. I have felt well-fed after Tuesday Nights and other events I have facilitated and participated in with our community and many of you have expressed similar sentiments.

A talk on Impermanence and sharing my aspiration

The other day I offered a talk on Impermanence; in the talk I shared my deepest aspiration and one of my deepest loves. So much of my life revolves around my spiritual practice--which isn't just spiritual it is emotional, it is physical, it is psychological--it is life itself. And when I sit on the lion seat, my cushion, or whatever I sit on for meditation and when I offer a talk about the practice and about my life that's when I feel so in love. And that passion and energy flows into so many other aspects of my life.

Thay's story in July 2010 issue of Shambhala Sun

I once heard Thay speak about his work as a Dharma Teacher, a Poet and a Social Activist, he said, "My life is my work." How he lives is his practice. Everything he is doing is contributing to society. The new issue of Shambhala Sun Magazine which can be purchased at bookstores like Barnes & Nobles and Borders or natural foods markets like Whole Foods has featured articles on Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh's life. It is interesting to know the history of this tradition. All of what I have talked of during our events together this month have been inspired by Thay's work, Thay's life. Thank you all, near and far, for supporting and being a part of Resting with Peace.

Free downloads for all Brian Kimmel Talks

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Sixth Day of Resting with Peace

2010-05-15T16:30:00.000-07:00

"Looking deeply into reality to see the true nature of all dharmas, meditation helps us to let go of all seeking, wishing, and fears." from Chanting from the Heart by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, the sixth of Fourteen Verses for Meditation.

It is the sixth day of our fasting retreat and fourteen days of mindfulness here in Las Vegas. We have had many wonderful opportunities to join together as a community. The Day of Mindfulness on May 8 at Stillpoint was a great success. Attending were twelve bright Buddhas who sat, walked, sang, ate listened deeply and spoke with loving speech during our many hours together. I was sorry we did not get a photo of us as I would have liked to include it in this blog.

We did make a recording of the talk I offered and will be posting it in ten-minute clips on youtube as each is ready. Many people have expressed interest in joining us on our fast, even if for a few days. Others have joined us in their own way by sending their warm energy and support.

The Buddhist Puja/Blessing Ceremony on May 10, the first day of our retreat was wonderful. Linda sprinkled the consecrated water using a juniper branch onto participants as the rest of us held the peace mudra and chanted Namo 'Valokiteshvara, awakening our seeds of compassion and the energy to support ourselves and others in their healing journey.

Tuesday Night, May 11, I spoke of four practices to include in our retreat and our daily life: Noble Silence, Hugging Meditation, Loving-Kindness and Total Relaxation. All can be found in Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh's book Happiness. The night concluded with a reading of my new poem that was featured in Tendrel, Naropa University's Diversity Journal. The talks from Resting with Peace are posted on my lulu site http://www.lulu.com/briankimmelstore. Please comment on this blog, especially if you have participated in any of our events and let others know the experience you had. You can also comment on talks you download for free. Until we meet again. Smiling, Brian

Free Chan Lien Dinh (Brian Kimmel) Talks

Resting with Peace

Stopping Calming Resting Healing

Taking Refuge in Peace

Intimacy of There, Right There

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Resting with Peace and the Benefits of Stopping

2010-04-15T00:56:00.000-07:00

About the Retreat - A year ago I made a commitment to fast once a year; and this year, with the support of the Pink House Sangha, we have organized a fasting retreat around the theme of Resting with Peace. You are invited to join us in this opportunity, whether fasting or not, whether in Las Vegas or participating from a distance, to investigate the basic practices and insights that guide us on the path of liberation. Simple practices like sitting and walking meditation, total relaxation, and deep listening can have a direct and profound impact on our daily lives. In our time together we will be able to look more deeply into and explore these topics.

The Benefits of Stopping - The practice of stopping, one of the four aspects of Shamatha Meditation, as taught by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, involves a deep sense of arriving in the here and now. This ‘sense of arriving’ is something that can be felt in body, heart and mind or what I call, bodyheartmind and requires us to be fully engaged—fully present with ourselves and the world around us. Every time we stop we help all parts of ourselves, including our ancestors to awaken.

I heard in a talk recently by Paula Green, psychologist, peace activist and director of Karuna Center for Peacebuilding, “Healing is prevention.” If we can heal ourselves and help others heal, that is prevention. Sometimes we may think of those in our lives who have been angry, hostile and violent towards us and we see only their anger, hostility and violence; but when we look more deeply we may see their vulnerability, their fear and their inability to renegotiate or heal from the adverse conditions in their life—that which they perceive and that which they have been offered by others. Many of us have been seduced by anger, by greed and by the perpetual escapism that our media and our consumerist culture promote. What we ingest, including our own views, has a powerful impact on our lives.

When we engage in practices such as sitting and walking meditation, and when we take time to rest and to really get to know ourselves, we offer ourselves a kind of food, a kind of sustenance that may liberate us and that may heal the wounds that cause us to suffer and cause us to water seeds of suffering in others. Resting with Peace is a time to gather as a community to practice watering our own and each others wholesome seeds; and to nourish peace, love and understanding within ourselves. What we offer each other as a community of practice is the space and the opportunity to truly rest and heal. We do this through our engagement with the practices offered and through our wholehearted commitment to improving the condition of our lives.

If you would like to participate in Resting with Peace it is on a pay-what-you-can basis. If you plan to fast, please consult your primary care physician, first. You are responsible for monitoring your own progress and researching fasting methods. An outline of our fasting regimen is included in the additional Resting with Peace Fasting Regimen Flyer. You may register using the sheet on the front of this page or at www.briankimmel.com.

Texts by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, published by Parallax Press that we will be using during the retreat, that you may want to purchase and follow along with are: Beyond the Self (2010), Happiness (2009) & Chanting from the Heart (2007). The Pink House has a supply of Beyond the Self for purchase at a discounted group rate of $8.
©2010 Brian Kimmel

“Believe it because you’ve looked deeply and seen it yourself.”
-Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh (In Reference to the Words of the Buddha)

On meeting Zen Master, Thich Nhat Hanh in Las Vegas, May 8, 2010.

2010-03-28T14:13:00.000-07:00

I have been a part of the Community of Mindful Living in the tradition of Thich Nhat Nanh since I was sixteen. Many of you have read or heard about my experience of reading Thay's book, Being Peace, and sitting under the cherry tree in my father's front yard in meditation for the first time. The story was published in the fall, 2009 issue of the Mindfulness Bell.*

I talked last week in Las Vegas during the Tuesday Night Mindfulness Group about my experience at last summer's retreat with Thay in the Rockies. Thay was sick in the hospital and could not make it to the retreat, but many of us felt our teacher was walking with us--his presence was felt deeply in the body of the sangha that gathered there to practice together.

We will be supporting fourteen days of mindfulness in Las Vegas starting on the 10th of May, 2010. The Pink House sangha, myself included will be fasting for the fourteen days. We thought it would be wonderful to kick-off the whole event with a talk on Friday Night and a 1/2 day retreat that Saturday, May 8. The month of May is dedicated to Resting with Peace.

Thay, Thich Nhat Hanh is very much present at the Pink House. Thay is very much present in Las Vegas too. I have contemplated the passing of my teacher many times in the last few years. I don't know how long my teacher will be alive in his current body. Looking more deeply, his body is made of clouds, rain, dirt, air, sun, vegetables, the mountains. Today, basking in the Las Vegas sun, my teacher is present in the Las Vegas sun and in me.

Organizing a retreat in Las Vegas, I can't really say my teacher will not be there. I can't really say, in truth, that we will not meet Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. Thay has said that the true meeting is in the insight we arrive to through practice. It is in our Plum Village Chanting book in the Opening Verse of the Touchings of the Earth, "The one who bows and the one who is bowed to are both by nature empty, therefore the communication between them is inexpressibly perfect."

If we touch deeply the present moment--all life resides there. The seen and unseen aspects of who we are, are revealed. This is the teaching on the Middle Way. This is the teaching of the Buddha. This is also a way of life, a way of living.

Partings have always been challenging for me. Sometimes I don't even want to be with the people I love in fear that I will have to leave them, or in fear that they will leave me. The teaching of the Middle Way says that I am not separate from those I love, but I am not wholly together with them either. We interare. We depend upon each other to truly be there. I don't yet have a full understanding or grasp on this teaching, but I know I have lived it before, and through the support of my teacher and the community of practice, I can live this teaching. Living a teaching is the best understanding there is.

Conceptually, there are many things I just don't get. Being a college student it is apparent that I know very little, and what I am learning is just a speck of what is available to learn. But something I do have, and have mastered is practice. Putting to practice intellectual understanding is more challenging for some. It is easier for me to practice than it is to understand conceptually. I know sometimes I get caught in the head game, and spin out words and definitions and theories about life. I get caught in trying to live through intellect alone, but then my body tells me in an aching back or pain in the jaw, "There is more to life than understanding with your head."

Life is in the body, too. Without the body, mind is just a whisper in the wind. With the body all we love can manifest. With the body the true teaching becomes available to touch and to communicate with.

Neuroscience is discovering that emotions may begin in the flesh. What poets, such as Walt Whitman have talked about, science is now discovering. Our bodies have wisdom, a wisdom we may not access through mind alone. In fact there really is no mind alone. Mind exists in relation to the body in what psychology calls the sensory-motor loop.

I have contemplated the Buddha Shakyamuni's awakening. The Buddha did not awaken on his own. It was because of the need of the world, because of the need of the sangha, because of the sangha that the Buddha awakened. He awakened for and with all living beings.

To be a teacher there has to be a student. Without a student, who is a teacher a teacher to? Because I am a student of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh is a part of me, we can't be separate. Otherwise, who am I a student of? If I want to say something and label something "teacher" and "student" then I may need to realize that teacher and student are interdependent. Without teacher, there is no student. Without student, there is no teacher.

When I walk, Thay walks with me. When I eat, Thay eats with me. When I offer a teaching on the Dharma through examples of my own practice, Thay is there teaching with me too, "...the communication between them is inextricably perfect." This cannot really be conceptualized, this is a realization through practice, it is a direct experience. That is what we do at the Pink House on Tuesday Nights, and it is what we do at day retreats such as what will be offered on May 8.

Our practice is to experience life deeply. Our practice is to get in touch, through our own body and mind, with the teaching and the teacher and all generations of ancestors that support us in our practice, in our way of love, harmony and beauty. Our practice is to awaken the teacher within, and to offer a teaching through the way we live.

Thay wants all of us to be teachers, he wants us to transmit the true teaching of the Middle Way. He wants us to be there with life, to be present in the best way we can. Thay wants us to be in communication with him and all our ancestors so that life will continue, so that a future will be possible for Thay and for all Thay's ancestors too. The way of practice is the way of love, the way of no coming, no going; no same, no different; no after, no before.

When we practice dwelling in the present moment we are present with all life--seen and unseen. We are alive: moving, breathing, changing organisms. Join us in Las Vegas, May 8 at Stillpoint Center to meet Zen Master, Thich Nhat Hanh through the practice of mindful breathing, sitting, walking, eating, lying down and deep listening.

Your Dharma Brother,

Chan Lien Dinh
(Brian Kimmel)
©2010 Brian Kimmel.

Las Vegas Mindfulness Retreats

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The Mindfulness Bell
Thay's New Book "Beyond the Self"

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How to Practice Speaking from the Heart

2010-02-20T21:51:00.000-08:00

Dear Beloveds,

Whatever strength and confidence I had in my abilities as a meditation teacher have dwindled. There have been so many things going on: school and a desk job mainly that have made me question my pursuits in offering retreats and workshops on mindful living. However, what better way is there to teach mindfulness than to live it, to practice mindfulness in one's daily life? That is my message for the new year: though we have many distinguished teachers, revered masters that can lead us and guide us on our chosen paths, there is only one person who can walk that path for you--you. This is not a new message, this is an ancient message, a vital message that my teachers have offered me, and this is what I offer you.

Greeting Conflict

The other day I had an opportunity to engage in loving speech and deep listening with a friend whom I was doing dinner cleanup with at Marpa House where I live. I could sense the anger in my friend as he was cleaning. There were many conditions that brought about his anger, one of them was me and the pace at which I was working. After we were nearly finished, I found the courage to ask him how he was doing. I told him that I sensed he was angry and wondered if it had to do with something I had said or done.

I was doing everything I could to not get angry myself. I felt hurt and betrayed. "How could he be angry at me," I thought. "Why me?"

I allowed him to speak and I continued to ask questions in response to things he said that I wanted to understand better. And there were many moments I wanted to runaway, but I stayed. There were many moments I wanted to chase him out of the kitchen, but I kept him close. I noticed the power of anger and the power of communication: what it takes to really stay in the moment, to not be distracted and to commit to being there with myself and the other person at the same time. I found the courage to face my own habit energy and to work with or be vigilant of the other person's habits of body, speech and mind.

The Practice of Speaking from the Heart

Speaking from the heart is a very useful skill in situations such as the one I was in with my friend in the kitchen. Much of this practice of speaking from the heart is developed through daily life. I include sitting meditation as part of daily life. What Buddhist's call practice is not separate from daily life and this must be understood. One's practice is one's daily life. How your life is lived is really important.

I spoke on the phone the other day with a friend who was talking about sobriety, how rare it is to find someone, as myself, who is naturally sober. I'm not sure what she meant exactly in saying I was naturally sober, but I understood what was important for her. It is important for her to have clarity in her mind. It is important for her to have a sense of personal responsibility and control over her own bodily actions. And perhaps in her life she feels a little out-of-control like she can't prevent herself from doing things she knows are self-destructive and may also hurt others.

One thing I would like to share about life: there is no personal, there is only collective. Everything we have: our mind, our body, our heart is part of the collective, part of everything and everyone. There are so many conditions providing us with the circumstance and the happenstance of our present moment experience. Whether you are experiencing joy or suffering, it is a collective joy and collective suffering.

Speaking from the heart is about dwelling in the ultimate, in the experience of oneness--being a part of the collective. I would like to write on three main principles of speaking from the heart: Openness, Confidence and Blatant Honesty.

Openness is a way of listening, of being receptive to what is going on. In being receptive, open and in listening there is an expectation that there is more to what is being said. There are conditions beneath the surface of one's actions that may communicate multitudes more than what words alone can, and even what nonverbal cues can. There are conditions present that are unseen, unfathomable, and those conditions are a part of the practice of openness. Be careful not to get stuck in one notion about a person or a thing or a situation. Be careful about your understanding and make sure that you are making space for things that you do not yet know about or the other person does not yet comprehend.

Confidence is about relating to your own and the other person's aspiration or intent. This is where clarity of mind comes in. You may ask yourself: What is the conversation really about? Where is this conversation going? Based on my own aspiration, is this conversation helpful? Will this conversation, and the way it is going fulfill a greater ambition? Is there a more direct path?

Dealing with confidence is mostly about tracking our own internal landscape. It is about being in touch with how we are experiencing the current situation within our body, our mind and our feeling self. If the conversation cannot be remedied or put on the right path, then it might be important to set a time with the person to talk later until there is more clarity around the situation, how each person is feeling and what needs to be said.

It took my friend and I in the kitchen a couple of tries to finally resolve our conflict and come up with a meaningful agreement for next time we are to work together, and to reconcile the ill-feelings that were between us during our current work period. We spent about an hour talking, engaging and disengaging in conversation as we sorted out our own feelings and concerns.

This is part of my training in the Thich Nhat Hanh Tradition, to resolve conflicts however small.* So I come into relationships with that underlying intent and aspiration. If ever there is a conflict, if it can be resolved on the spot, I will do it, no matter how uncomfortable it is. If it is a conflict that is too big to resolve, then I may tell the person, "I really would like to talk about this now, but I need a little time. How about we meet in a week or so? I will give you a call next Friday." And sometimes it is a conflict in which there is no give, and it feels hopeless to reconcile.

There have been only a few people in my life in which I have had to not talk to or am not talking to, because the conflict between us is too great. In the case of a conflict that is too hot or too big to solve, then I will hold the person in my heart, I will consider my own experience with the person and work on my own habit energy surrounding the conflict between us. I work to remove obstacles in myself that may be limiting the possibility of me getting along with the other person. But, also, I practice patience; the other person may be experiencing something that has really not much to do with me, but is some suffering within them that they need time to heal from. In any case it is the confidence I have in my practice, in the way I live my life, that allows me to be open and honest with myself and which allows a greater opportunity, when the time comes, to speak from my heart.

With confidence, I have a certain ideal in which I aspire toward. In terms of sobriety, confidence is very influential. If a person wishing to be sober identifies and clarifies their confidence, their faith in their ability to be who they really are, who they aspire to be, their confidence may open the door to tremendous energy toward meeting their goal.

Blatant Honesty comes through the other two principles of speaking from the heart. Honesty is really important in any relationship. Blatant honesty is crucial. It is the honesty that is revealed to others and oneself. When I care about someone it is important to let them know I care--not only through my words, but through an honest and reciprocal expression.

For example, openness means that there is an unknowing part of the relationship, something unseen, some underlying factor that is contributing to this care and to this coming together of two people. Why my friend and I ended up in the kitchen together is unknown, really. What we are going to learn from it and how it will affect the rest of our lives is also uncertain. And with confidence, I am certain about my intent, that I am willing to put myself on the line in order to be the best I can be.

So when I am communicating how I feel, I am in touch with the principles of openness, that I do not have all the answers and am willing to learn along the way. Openness may be revealed to the other person as humility and wisdom. As I am communicating I am also in touch with the confidence in my intent. This confidence may bring a sense of tenderheartedness, sadness even, and a motivating power to what I am trying to express.

Steps Towards Speaking from the Heart

First, we need to be open to all possibilities. Second, we need to work on identifying what is important to us. Third, we need to practice, to live, and to be blatantly honest with ourselves and others: am I where I say I am, am I doing what I say I would like to do?

This isn't a shame game. This is a working with where we are and being honest about it to others and ourselves. Like I said to my friend in the kitchen, "Right now, I am really feeling hurt, and I don't know if I really want to be in the same room with you."

Sometimes honesty hurts a person. It hurts a person when what is said is truthful and it hurts a person when what is said is untruthful too. And that's perhaps why it is so challenging to speak openly, with confidence, with kindness and honesty from the heart.

I don't want to be the cause of someone's hurt, but sometimes in order to identify what is troubling them, and what is coming between us and creating conflict, I really need to share where I am. Most importantly to also share how much I care. "Even though I feel like being angry towards you," I might've said to my friend in the kitchen, "Because I care about you and really would like us to get along the best way we can, I want to listen and to be open to what you have to say, and would like you to hear what I have to say as well."

Nothing we think, say or do is extremely personal, it is always collective, because it affects everyone and everything. Speaking from the heart allows ourselves to be seen, to be heard and allows all others to be a part of our world explicitly. When there is no separation between self and other and when there is togetherness in body, speech and mind, there is more peace, more prosperity and more freedom for all.

©2010 Brian Kimmel.
www.briankimmel.com

*For a Future to be Possible by Thich Nhat Hanh. Parallax Press, 2007.

Practice Aspirations and Resting at Your Edge

2010-01-27T23:33:00.000-08:00

Hello Dear Friends,

The New Year is upon us and I have come up with my practice aspiration for the first few months of 2010.

What is your aspiration?

Some keys to coming up with a practice aspiration are to figure out what support you currently have and make an aspiration based around that support. Also, it may be helpful to write your aspiration down so you can look at it daily to keep yourself on track.

Sometimes jumping into a commitment with high expectations, without the support to help lift you up and keep you there, you'll simply fall back down and enter into defeat. Also, an aspiration to practice needs to involve some aspect of practice in the creation of it. In fact, the aspiration may come as a result of your practice.

My aspiration is really pretty simple. I will probably sit more than twenty minutes a day and much of that sitting could be done in my college courses. Two of them involve a twenty minute period of sitting meditation. This semester I will also be participating in several weekend meditation intensives/trainings. I also live in a contemplative household that requires us to sit during the group sitting period, either in the morning or evening, for at least ten minutes two times a week. And, I have several sitting meditation groups I am connected to in the Thich Nhat Hanh tradition around town.

What I've noticed is that as I engage in class, at home and in my personal practice especially these last few weeks which have been particularly challenging for me, I lean toward the practice more and more. There is almost a yearning for a deeper commitment because it feels like a refuge for me, something that is helping sustain my fortitude and resilience. Even though I have been in a lot of pain the last few weeks (emotional and spiritual mostly) there really isn't a lot of suffering, not the sort of suffering that would have brought me to the practice in the first place.

It is interesting to watch how my relationship with my practice has changed, shifted and oscillated throughout the years. I remember clearly how challenging it was at first to sit with myself. There were only brief periods where I could sit still long enough to feel any result from the sitting. Then as I became more confident in the practice and art of sitting and walking meditation, as I found support through attending retreats, weekly practice evenings with local groups and made friends with teachers and other practitioners on the path, the practice seemed to grow with me. I was then able to sit longer and to stay with present moment awareness of experiences longer.

The power to stay is really important. It is really the foundation and art of the practice. If you can't stay, you can't feel—you can't get in touch with reality. But if you learn to sit still within the storm of feelings, sensation, thoughts and consciousness itself, then the truth begins to be revealed and your true aspiration comes forward. True aspiration is not something you've created with the effort to create something, but is created out of the effort you put into staying and allowing obscurations such as boredom, doubt and fear to drop away.

Nowadays, my life is my practice. I have gone through periods of sitting a whole lot in the day--several hours at a time. I have gone through periods of not practicing at all--just living life or attempting to--and diving head-first into both sufferings and joys. And what has happened just recently, I feel, is a deconstruction of what practice is to me. It is almost like beginning anew, starting fresh with the business of sitting meditation and mindfulness in daily life. These must always be new. They must always be available in an intrinsically, organic way.

I would like to present a practice I call "Resting at Your Edge."

Imagine you have climbed a mountain. You have climbed several hours in order to get to the top--the view is magnificent. 360 degrees—all around you are the tops of trees and snow covered peaks. Standing high at 8500 feet above sea level, the air is fresh and the sun shines down upon you, warming you as if from the inside out. You look in front of you at several huge boulders resting at the edge of the cliff, ready to fall, but supporting each other enough so that they probably won't fall anytime soon. You go to the boulders and climb up upon their smooth, cool surfaces. You look over the edge toward the snow-dusted plains several thousand feet below you. Your hands begin to clam, your heart beats a little faster and your legs freeze then thaw to jelly. All in an instant you pull yourself back, you look away. But then, something inspires you to look again. Your face illuminates in a determination to see. You want to see what you have looked away from. Not the view, the landscape of the earth, but the feeling itself, the inclination to not see.

So you turn your body toward the view. You turn your mind toward the feeling. Your attention is at once on the sensations you experience in the body, the view of the landscape, the distance from your body on top of the boulders and the earth several thousand feet below. And there is nothing between you and the vastness of sky all around. You ask yourself, "What is this? Where am I? What am I doing here?"

You've reached your edge. In fact the whole journey has been to meet this edge. As you were hiking toward the pinnacle, talking yourself up the mountain, you thought maybe it was to see the view, to get to the top and to take a picture of yourself up there and to show yourself and the world--your friends and family, and maybe the people who read your blog--that you did it. But there was something else too. There was something inside of you that wanted the edge, to look over the impossible, to meet the impossible and to sit there, to rest there, to stay--vigilant, silent and aware.

What is the Practice of "Resting at Your Edge?"

The practice is to sit as if you are sitting at the edge of a cliff looking over the edge. Experience what it is to be on the edge. One thing about this edge is that you will have to keep on moving to find it. The moving, really, is being present. The movement is really a manner of beingness, of experiencing. The body remains breathing, the habit energy of moving this or that body part consciously, relaxes. You are driven by awakening, the realization that there is an experience calling you, wanting you to be still, silent and aware.

So in sitting practice find your edge, move until you find it. Walk, sit, run, dance, stir until there is an edge to look over. Look over your edge and see where there is a compulsion to look away. Look away if you have to then check back in. See if there is enough support both internally and externally to look back toward the edge, to move your body toward it, to make a seat there, to sit and stay there. Make a seat there at that spot, in that experience of wanting to look away but refusing to from the inside out and sit. Let your attention move with the sensations of your body as it is experiencing the moment. Let your attention move with the feelings that arise with the experience. Let your mind stay with the moment of meeting your edge, that place where you never imagined you'd have enough courage to be. Stay at that edge and invite it into you. Let yourself experience how it is to be fearless in the presence of fear, in the presence of obstructions, in the presence of doubt, uncertainty and inhibition.

What is it like to live at the edge? What is it like to sit there and peer into the experience of this moment? Experience your edge with abandon. Abandon all perceiving, all convention and become what you are experiencing. Experience, experience in its rawness--naked and unperturbed. Let the experience ravage who you think you are. Do nothing but be aware. Do nothing but listen with awareness. Do nothing but return, return, return and keep on returning to that place of innocence, nudity and simplicity of vision.

What if you are new to sitting meditation?

The newer you are to sitting meditation the better. Suzuki Roshi called it beginner's mind. There was a time I was just starting out and could call myself a beginner and really mean it. Then I practiced more a more and became a practitioner with experience. Sooner or later I thought I was enlightened, and thought enlightenment had something to do with experience and coming up with answers to all of life's quandaries. Now I am like a fool, dancing in defeat, awakened to a potential of undiscovered delight. I am jarred awake to the newness of practice, and have begun yet another inquiry into what sitting is, what mindfulness is and what delight is all about. This is the beginner's mind. It is that place that knows nothing--it is like the archetypal fool who in his unawareness, in his complete beingness in the moment, dances over the side of a cliff.

There is so much to learn through practice, and there is also so much to unlearn. The knowing of oneself is sometimes illusory. Self is always changing: our views, our relating, even the cells of our body--they never stay still. So the practitioner in order to stay fresh, must water beginner's mind. The practitioner must remain with life and bring their entire being with them to meet the edge of life--where life is constantly being made, where each step is right up against the edge of nothing, nowhere fast. One step too quick you'll fall over, one step back you'll fall behind. But this moment where life is being created, this is the present moment. And for the practice it is always new, never the same sequence, never the same application of technique, never the same technique and never the same body and mind to be present with.

What if you don’t feel like practice is calling you?

If you are just starting to meditate, you have no basis, really, of what the practice can do for you—other than what you may have heard from friends or read in books. So the first thing for first-time meditators is to simply do the sitting, the walking and begin applying mindfulness to your everyday life. Some teachers recommend doing sitting meditation even when you don’t feel like sitting and that is somewhat of a complicated task. In my opinion, sitting meditation isn’t always the right thing to do. Sometimes the right thing to do would be to get up and go to work, eat dinner or talk to a friend. But in the early stages it is important to remember the practice is there for you. Build a foundation in your sitting and walking meditation. Become used to taking refuge in that space.

Secondly, if you have been sitting for awhile and your practice is getting stale—try bringing the practice more into your life. Then, let your life inspire your sitting and walking. Bring your life to your cushion. That’s the most important thing. Begin to infuse your beingness with the refuge of meditation. Begin by inviting the world into your practice space. Somewhere in the comfort of sitting meditation—blissed-out, peaced-out you may have forgotten what life is. Maybe suffering doesn’t find you there. Maybe you are not available to it. Or maybe you have not much suffering and don’t feel like sitting because sitting is only for contemplating suffering—be with that too. Unless your life comes with you to the cushion, the awarenesses you come to on your cushion will not make it to your everyday life.

What is the distinction between practice and daily life?

Depending on how you have trained, it may be less or more challenging to awaken in your daily life. Daily life encompasses everything: the transitions, the events, the non-events, the thoughts, the feelings, the sensations and even the meditation itself. Meditation is part of daily life. Sometimes no practice is the best practice of all, because it is the practice that is most available to you. It is where all the times of sitting and walking meditation bear fruit.

So if you are now at a space of wanting not to practice, just simply lie in the sun and let the magic and simplicity of your time living on this beautiful planet nourish you. Essentially, for a practitioner with experience, any experience at all is the practice. The application of attention, the readiness of body and mind, and the still, open tenderness of a heart exposed is an enlightened experience, is meditation in its rawest, purest and richest form.

Simply living your life with honesty, integrity and character is the best form of medicine for all circumstances in life. There is no truer response to anger, oppression and expressions of emotion and behavior of any kind than the responses you have already made, and the responses you offer right now. Being with yours and others’ humanness is the deepest aspiration.

Blessings to you, in this New Year. With warmth and gratitude,
Brian

Being Gay and In Love

2010-01-09T23:13:00.000-08:00

I'm sometimes afraid of loving too much, especially in romantic love relationships. I want to be the best lover I can be, and would like to be given second and third chances...more if it is necessary and if it feels like the right thing to do.

Being in a committed gay relationship is tough in a heterosexist world. Each partner really needs the courage to love themselves, and commit to the obstacles in loving who he wants to love. There is often fear, self-betrayal and the tragedy of quitting too soon. I've been on both sides of the fences: I've loved and the other could not love me, I've loved and could not continue loving. There are some people whom we just aren't compatible with, but most often I feel like gay relationships fail because there is not enough support for them, not enough openness and not enough space between the lovers to feel safe, nurtured and free to be as they are.

There will always be challenges, there will always be room to grow, and there will always be something we can find alluring about the relationship we are in or have been in. My heart longs for union even though I know I am already one.

I hear some straight friends talk about their time of falling in love, how it happened without effort and how it took even less effort to maintain the relationship. It is unrealistic and illogical to assume that gay relationships will pan out that way, unless the people who are getting together are supremely prideful, aren't a bit afraid of being gay and haven't an ounce of internalized homophobia--even then, coming out and recognizing internalized homophobia is a lifelong process because it is so heavily ingrained in the collective consciousness. Men in gay relationships, particularly new ones need to face the reality: Is it safe to be with the person I long to be with? Is this longing okay?

I love being gay; it is the first time I can actually say it and mean it. I want the love I have to last a long time. It's no surprise to me that loving takes courage, tenacity and a fair amount of letting go. To love one must face the danger of showing themselves to the one they love, keeping their heart open, and embracing both the pleasure and pain reality of experiencing life just as it is.

©2010 Brian Kimmel.

Immeasurable

2010-01-08T19:18:00.000-08:00

There are sounds I cannot hear.
Words I cannot utter.
Beings I cannot touch.
The world as we don't know it is immeasurable.
Let me be free to truly live and love.

©2010 Brian Kimmel.

I wrote this poem today considering the very recent break up of me and a guy I have been dating for the past few months. Saddened, dismayed and a little jolted--a rare opportunity to awaken. Awaken!

Steps for Mindfulness and Formal Practice

2009-12-01T06:15:00.000-08:00

Formal sitting and walking practice are wonderful ways to get back in touch with
reality as it is. The following are steps I have found useful for formal practice:

1. Before sitting or walking, make an intention. Have a clear motivation for
what you are going to do on the cushion or in your walking practice. What are
you sitting for? What are you walking for? What has brought you to the
cushion, to touching the earth?

2. Get in touch with your environment, literally. See it, smell it, hear it,
taste it if you like. Get to know what you are sitting with. Meditation is not
about escaping, it's about going into, about freedom from the source.

3. Get in touch with your inner landscape. What is going on inside of you?
Take a moment to chill. Stay there if that's what your motivation has called
you to do.

4. Do your practice, whatever it is.

5. After your practice, open your senses wide and survey the room again. Take
time to adjust to being in full, waking consciousness. Take time to
re-integrate. This is a very crucial step. This is where the meditation enters
into your daily life. I have found this step very helpful, especially when
energies cultivated through practice are misguided into irritation and anger.
Again, meditation is not an escape, it is a going into, a discovery of life.

6. Dedicate the merit of your practice to all beings everywhere. May all beings
everywhere inherit the merit of this practice. May they be free from suffering,
may the cultivate joy and peace.

©2009 Brian Kimmel.

Join me and Las Vegas Mindfulness Group for practice the week of Dec. 15. I will be guiding the weeks Tuesday Night Mindfulness Group, offering a Friday Night Meditation/Concert/Talk, and a Sunday Day of Rest and Concentration. For details visit: briankimmel.com!

No-thingness in Everyday Life

2009-11-16T23:15:00.000-08:00

Dearest Friends,

I'm thinking of saying something really special, really important and perhaps valuable for your life. But nothing is really coming to me. It feels like I've been thrown into the world these last few months at Naropa University. For over ten years I've lived like a recluse. Always turning inward. But that inward turning was necessary. If I look at my childhood. I spent a lot of time agonizing over life, day to day activities were so challenging. When one confronts suffering in that way--that life is a challenge--there is a real opportunity for growth. For me, it has been of growth. So these ten years, growing into the man I have become, it took everything to get here. It took a lot of suffering to know what suffering is.

Free Downloadable Talks & Performances
www.briankimmel.com/recordedtalks.html
Coming Soon!

One thing I feel more certain about is: whenever I or anyone else claims certainty over something it is erroneous. There is no certainty. If there is certainty, there is death. If there is death there is illusion. If there is illusion truth is invisible. The question is: how to make truth visible again. What is truth?

I am extremely fortunate to have experienced this life. The other day I went to a concert in town with a friend. As we were sitting there watching and engaging in the performance I realized what a treasure my life offstage is. I have chosen to not run after fame in this life. At least in these last ten years the practice, my own healing and transformation, has been a priority. Where would I be without it?

Music and the stage is all-consuming. It is hard to stop it--to stop the power of words, the power of thoughts; the power of motivation. And that's why the path I am on has brought me so much than what the stage could offer me. To an artist--art is their meditation. But can art bring liberation?

Creating something--art--is mechanical, a mind thing, a cerebral thing. Human beings create. The power of creation keeps us locked into our thinking mind. Once something is created it is transcended by the artist. There is a master working through the art. Art is a power, unmistakably, a power that wills whomever witnesses it to contemplate, to aspire, and to follow its lead. What we can realize is it is the power of mind that creates and paints the experiences of our lives.

When sitting in meditation mind seldom stops creating. Always playing. Always painting. Always singing the habits it has been in for a long long time. Desires. Cravings. Lusts. Wishes. Hopes. Dreams. Passions. Pondering. Admiring. Inspiring. Feeling. Thinking. Observing. And yes, mindfulness. Mind creates, that's what it has been conditioned to do. A liberated mind does not stop creating. A liberated mind creates more, only through the lens of liberation.

But the thing with liberation is that it is only complete when mind is no longer. Then the communication between mind and world is perfected. The perfect symphony is no symphony at all. What my teacher has written, talked and lived is the experience of no-thingness in everyday life. Can you experience no-thingness while sitting on the toilet? Can you experience no-thingness while talking on the phone? Can you experience no-thingness while making love? Cooking dinner? Walking the dog?

For me as an artist, a musician I want the experience of no-thingness, the perfection of no-thingness to be present within my art, within my music. So that means when I play, when I write, when I sing, I do my best to be in no-thing. I try my best to be liberated. My audience, too, is there to be liberated. This is not music to be consumed. This is music to enlighten you. This is music to experience wholly. This is music to enrich your spiritual experience.

I have only realized this a few days ago, so it is quite new. But, I think many people who have been to a show or a talk of mine have realized that my motivation is not about being on stage, writing and performing music for the sake of writing and performing music. My motivation is to free myself and all beings from suffering, and to clarify and enrich the essential no-thingness of all. No-thing is a place of no distinctions, not sameness and not different-ness. Not oneness and not otherness. That's where the practice, where the music and the song becomes experience. And it is about what only you can experience for yourself and help others experience for themselves.

Enjoy!

©2009 Brian Kimmel.

Las Vegas Events with Brian Kimmel and Las Vegas Mindfulness Meditation Group: Music and Inspirational Talks to inspire love, peace and understanding. all events will be at the Pink House in Las Vegas near Cheyenne and Rampart. Please call 702-461-8422 for information and directions. All are welcome: beginners and those who have not been to an event at the Pink House. Cost is by suggested donation $20 each for Fridays Concert Talk and Sundays Day of Rest and Flow. No one will be turned away due to lack of funds. Donations will cover Brian's travel and living expenses. Tuesday Night group is an ongoing group--free to attend--donations welcome.

Tuesday, Dec. 15 / 7-9 p.m.

Tuesday Night Mindfulness Group
Special Topic: What's Schleppin? AND How to Let Go

Refresh yourself! Come for an evening of sitting, walking, lying down and deep listening meditation. Evening will include a short Dharma Talk and guided meditation. Beginners are welcome.

Friday, Dec 18 / 7:30-9 p.m.
Concert Talk for Peace
Special Topic: Waking Up!

Evening Meditation, Inspirational Talk and Original Music for Piano and Voice

Sunday, Dec 20 / 9:30 a.m. - 2:30 p.m.

Day of Rest and Flow

Special Topic: Your Ordinary Wisdom Mind
Sitting, Walking, Lying Down, Deep Listening, Movement and Eating Meditation in Silence.

Healing from Abuse: Footsteps in Freedom, Love and Peace

An article I wrote is featured in the Plum Village community's international journal with a photo of Venerable Direk who has sat with our Tuesday Group in Las Vegas several times and is an abbot of a Thai Monastery in Las Vegas. It is downloadable at the link below. You can also order a paper copy at www.mindfulnessbell.org

The Mindfulness Bell issue #52 PDF is now available for viewing or download on the website at http://mindfulnessbell.org/download_mb.htm

2009-09-20T23:37:00.000-07:00

MINDFULNESS TRAININGS MENTORSHIP PROGRAM
Starts this FALL, October 01 - December 17, 2009 - It's Free! Visit http://www.briankimmel.com/mentoring.html

This fall, beginning October 1, 2009 I will be offering a Mindfulness Trainings Mentorship Program. I have created a yahoo group that will be used as the primary source of communication along with personal e-mails, phone calls and in-person meetings. More information is posted on my web-site.

If you are interested in signing up send me a short e-mail with your request to join, and I will send you an invite. This group is only open to those who have been invited, so if you have a friend who w ould like to join, please have them send me their e-mail address and phone number and I will happily send them an invitation. This is a wonderful opportunity for you to receive the support you need for your practice and personal growth and to learn how to involve others in the practice and growth.

Smiling with Thay

2009-09-20T22:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Wondrous Beings,

One tremendous thing that happened these past weeks was the illness of my beloved teacher, Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. I attended the Colorado Retreat in the Rockies expecting Thay (affectionate term for teacher) to be there. I remember getting out of the car once we arrived and saying to my friends who were near me, “I know Thay is here in a room somewhere getting ready to give a talk.”

Spending Time with my teacher,
Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh

Photo taken at Plum Village, France 2006

Well, during orientation that evening we all learned that Thay was in the hospital with a lung infection and would not be able to attend the retreat in person, but would be following the retreat with us in his heart. My immediate response was that of sadness and grief. After the evening talk many of us spontaneously gathered and shared mindful hugs. There were many tears that evening. I went to my room, but could not sleep. Something was stirring inside of me from a very deep place.

Where is Thay, anyway? Where is this person I call, “Teacher”? Is Thay inside or outside of me?

An overwhelming sense of regret boiled up inside of me. I thought of the many times I took Thay’s presence for granted, feeling a little tired sitting at his talks, or feeling a little bored during our walking meditations together, and even doubting the effectiveness of the practices he was presenting. But in light of Thay’s impermanence, a different picture appeared--that of, how can I see Thay, know Thay and continue walking and sitting with Thay for many years to come? What part of Thay will live on even after the body we see as Thay decays? It is the part of Thay that continues for generations to come that I will have to get to know much better, because it is Thay’s True Nature.

We have a saying that is chanted after offering incense, to open a practice called Touching the Earth. The saying goes like this:

The one who bows and the one who is bowed to
Are both by nature empty.
Therefore the communication between them
Is inexpressibly perfect.

In everything that I am doing, I can see the body of my ancestors--both blood and spiritual ancestors. I am a continuation of many people and things. Likewise I continue in many people and things. In fact, I cannot really be separate from other people and things--most notably, I cannot really be separate from everyone and everything I love, because we are products of similar elements coming together to form a body and mind.

The radical shift in perspective, in practice is to live the truth of our true nature. Live as you are the embodiment of your ancestors. Live as future generations will continue you. We all share this perspective. We all have the capacity to live this way. No one really has to die. No one really has to make friends with birth and death. Birth and death, though they are conditions of life, are limited ways of seeing who and what we are.

The task, then, Thay asks of us, is to smile.

Wishing you a truly blessed Fall,

Brian

©2009 Brian Kimmel.

Visit my web-site to view updated information about events, products and services I offer: www.briankimmel.com. I am now licensed and am taking appointments for massage in Colorado.

Lamps, Light Bulbs and Setting Flies Free

2009-09-11T02:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Beloved Friends,

I have intentionally made this 'brian kimmel blog' as a way to bring all my parts together, all parts of me that have a voice and feel they need to be heard. Tonight, I have imported blogs from two of my other blogs: Mindful Male Survivor and Musically Aware. As I was reading through the blogs (I have included the whole collection, unrevised) I noticed how much I have grown, and how much has changed in my life, and in our life as a spiritual family.

I have written on many topics that you may find interesting. One blog I have not included (yet) is the Las Vegas Luvs Mindfulness blog, which was the blog for the meditation group I lead called Tuesday Night Mindfulness Group. In the Las Vegas Luvs Mindfulness blog you will find several years worth of entries, that are rather personal and showed a lot of heart--not only speaking about the inspiration from within my own heart, but of the inspiration of the group of dedicated practitioners who met at the Pink House over the four years it was hosted there.

What amazes me is the strength of the sangha (spiritual community from all traditions and all walks of life, including cats, insects and other beings) that pours through. Even though I have written from my own experience, and from my own point of view, it seems like the heart of the sangha is revealed. I truly feel the sense of the community, how it felt to be there, sitting in a circle, feeling the presence of all who were there, and of all who thought about being there, and all who were brought along even when they had no clue they were there. How much a part of my life Tuesday Night Mindfulness Group has played a part in, it is yet to be discovered. I'm sure years from now new insights will be revealed. Really, my time in Las Vegas revolved around spiritual practice. Spiritual anything isn't usually the first thing that comes to mind when one thinks of Las Vegas, I know. But for me, spirituality is the first thing that comes up.

Living in the Valley was a precious gift. Las Vegas really is a place of wonders. Standing on the strip there is a magnanimous energy--one of the brightest cities on the planet--radiating not only the power of billions of lights from lamps and light bulbs, but radiating light from thousands upon thousands of people, visitors and residents alike searching for a deeper place and experimenting with the yearning to find themselves. If we lose enough, if we can lose it all, then there is a potential of finding something rare indeed.

Life posses an extreme magic, much more than the magic that can be presented on a stage. Life brings forth the magic of our humanity. Life brings forth the magic of our humility. Life brings forth the magic of our innermost truth, which happens to be where we also can meet the world. What is the deepest yearning? Is it the yearning to be rich? Is it the yearning to be loved? Is it the yearning to be free from bondage: societal, familial, or individual?

Yearning of any kind means that there is something deeper. Yearning of any kind means that at the root there is something rare and precious indeed--yet to be discovered. If we should discover that rare and precious thing, we should no longer have that yearning, and all yearnings would be quenched.

Fear not Las Vegas taking hold of you. Use its power, its energy to fuel the search for something genuine, something totally real, something totally essential. I have lived not many years in this body, but something inside of me has lived for a long, long time. Time is really irrelevant to the question of maturity. You may have heard that it is not how long one has lived, it is how well one is living that brings about wisdom and beauty. At the source, you are wise and beautiful. Let that wisdom and beauty shine forth, and everything else will take care of itself.

The other day I liberated a fly from the kitchen. I thought in my mind as I watched it buzzing around the refrigerator door that it was looking for an exit. I wasn't sure, really, if it was aware or not of its predicament. And I wasn't really certain whether or not there even was a predicament. But the thought in my head insisted, "Liberating the fly is the best thing to do." Perhaps the fly never wanted to be liberated. Perhaps it wasn't even looking for a way out.

I thought of the many people who have come into my life who I have wanted to help, who I thought needed help, and for whom I took the initiative to help. With all my effort I talked the fly into being still so that I could catch it in a wadded-up paper towel. It obeyed, calmed itself for a split-second and stood still, naked and vulnerable on the refrigerator door--“I got you!”

As I was taking him outside I could feel him underneath my lightly closed palm. A little being with a little, beating heart. I talked with him for a bit as I opened the door with one hand, "I'm going to let you outside. You may not have wanted this, and I'm sorry if it is an inconvenience for you. If you come inside again, someone else may not let you out, but will kill you. So you better stay out."

I'm not too sure if the world outside is better for a fly or not, but at least the killing would be done by necessity--something, somewhere needs the flies nourishment to continue living. If inside, and killed by human hands, then not only the fly suffers, but the human hand who committed the act bears the weight of that act on their shoulders. A little being, but nonetheless a being.

"There you go!" I exclaimed joyfully as the fly lifted into flight from my open palm.

Think of how many flies you have experienced in your life. Little beings, sharing the same air we breathe. Think, then, of all the opportunities in the future you may have to save another beings life from unnecessary death and suffering. If you concentrated just on flies, you could save probably ten in the next few days. Over your life it could amount to hundreds if not thousands. Insignificant--not at all!

The simple act of feeling compassion benefits you tremendously. Studies have been done on compassion and the benefits of expressing compassion on your mental and physical health. Think of all the other living beings you may neglect saving out of fear--Spiders, ants, bees. Have you ever thought, "Maybe this fly is trying to communicate with me. Maybe this fly really wants to be in my company."

I enjoy flies as long as they behave. Flies are notorious for misbehaving when we don't want them to. In my experience, just as I have let go of the neurosis of 'wanting a fly to go away' the fly sits still. Sometimes when I am giving a talk or doing sitting meditation a fly will come and land on my shoulder, or my arm, or leg or sometimes my nose. I have come to enjoy the company of some flies. Sometimes they will be funny and land on my nose on purpose just so I will know that they are there, and that I should be there too. After I become more present, then they will sit on my arm and meditate with me.

It is very nice sangha-building to sit with flies. Little beings who yearn for some of the same things I yearn for. Little beings who are seekers, but don't know that they are seeking. Little beings that are frightened in a world of hostilities, anger and tremendous unresponsiveness to suffering. What flies show me is that underneath the superficial ideas I have about the world, my place in the world, and the worlds place in me--beneath all of it is something vast. Something so wonderful that it can't be mentioned by name.

Wonderful, magical wonders are happening everyday, and are available for you to discover through simple means. Catch a fly and set it free. Catch someone dear and tell them how much you love them. Say hi to someone you don’t know. Greet a child or an animal with tenderness, kindness and friendship. These are all simple ways you can help yourself to be free.

Many blessings on your journey.

Love, Brian

©2009 Brian Kimmel.

Visit my web-site to view updated information about events, products and services I offer: www.briankimmel.com. I am now licensed and am taking appointments for massage in Colorado.

Continuing in the Tradition of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh

2009-07-30T14:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Beloved Friends,

There have been quite a few new developments these past months in my life. I have applied for and have accepted a few scholarships and grants to attend Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado this year. Orientation begins Aug. 16 which means I will be leaving Las Vegas within a few weeks or so. If you are currently receiving e-mails for my events as well as events with the Las Vegas sangha in the Tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh you will continue to be on the lists, unless you tell us otherwise.

My wish is for a home and a presence for Thay's (Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh's) teachings in Las Vegas Valley when I am gone. Continuing in the lineage of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh for some means to face violence, interrogation and even death. What we have offered the Las Vegas community for over five years and many more through our sister sangha, Lotus in the Desert, which had its founding roots in Thay's tradition a decade earlier, has been a precious opportunity that has saved lives, including my own.

The following is a recent article on the attacks on one of Thay's main monasteries in Vietnam. Several people whom I know, who went on the trip to Vietnam when I did in 2007, had the opportunity to visit Prajna Temple. What we can offer the monks and nuns of Prajna and Thay is our diligent practice; make steps today in peace. Stop, breathe and smile when you feel your anger, arrogance or greed has been aroused. Stop, breathe and smile and know that your practice is the practice of many who are breathing and smiling on the path of love.

Attack on a Vietnam monastery

A recent attack on a monastery practising a non-traditional brand of Buddhism is just one of a number of incidents that has raised concerns about curbs on religious freedom in Vietnam. The BBC's Krassimira Twigg looks at the events at Bat Nha monastery.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/8168200.stm

Revelation in the Garden of Eden

2009-06-17T10:41:00.001-07:00

The other day I found myself within a Garden of Eden--a magical place in the heart of Red Rock Canyon, Las Vegas, Nevada. Having gone deep into a canyon on an overgrown trail, a feeling that I was entering the wild came over me. "May I enter it? May I walk further?" I asked the giant sand stone cliffs, so immense as I got near them they seemed to get further and further away. Pools of water, overgrown vines, pine trees, willows, waterfalls and giant ferns surrounded me. Pristine is not usually the description used for Las Vegas Valley. I realized then that this wild place needs to be protected, needs to be kept wild, free from the hands of "Civilization." And for the first time in a very long time I recognized that I am not of the wild, but of the world of humankind. My civilization grows in a different way.

For so long I have rebelled against human society. Out of fear, out of traumas, out of the insanity of the world sometimes so apparent in wars, crime and delusional thinking I attempted to separate myself from everyone else. Then where do I belong? Last time I looked at my body, my mind--I looked like a human body, a human mind. And as I entered the sacred canyon I knew I was only a visitor there and felt careful and conscious of every step I made, how I made it, and how many steps I would take inside before I'd turn around and go home where I belong.

I went back to the maintained trail, sat on a rock and cried. Nature has a way of taking me to places, through its silent power, I would not otherwise go. How necessary it is for me to travel inside, to touch my own wounds, to heal and breathe with the silence deep in the center of my body. I felt the wild take hold of me--I felt the wild leave me in the canyons of my heart, of my body and mind. I felt the wild speaking, listening, and urging me to stay within myself. I wiped my eyes and watched two birds in a pine tree sing to one another. Their song echoed through the canyon amplified into the quiet expanse of the sky.

I am human. For a time the world of humans is my home. Twenty-nine with still a lot of life in me. Looking at the pain of birth and death, and the medicine that Life brings. The freedom to sit and walk in peace and the grace of letting go. How wonderful to honor the worlds of humans and nature--two worlds that can dance together in harmony.

Visit my Amazon Store for amazing books, CDs and products I recommend to help you on the path of freedom, love and peace.

Miracle is You Tour Begins with You

2009-04-24T01:08:00.000-07:00

Hello Dear Friends,

I'd like you to know of the wonderful new release of the first ever Thriving for Thrivers Audio Program, a Four-Talk Series called Healing Abuse with Mindfulness and Love. I'll be kicking off the release at events I will be doing in Portland, Oregon, a concert on May 15 and a two-day, four hours a day workshop Saturday and Sunday, May 16-17. Just in time for mother's day, give your mom the gift of freedom. Listen to the talks yourself, allow the flow of inspiration to pour into you, and put your True Nature, True Action, True Brilliance to work. You can also give the gift of a download or talk to a mother in your life so she can benefit from the inspiration the talks provide directly.

I've considered awhile whether I should release these talks or not, and have been working on them for several years. Finally, I've decided it is best not to keep them hidden. I've had all sorts of mixed perceptions about the survivors community, and recovery programs, why I haven't wanted to put these talks out and begin to work with survivors really boils down to one thing: FEAR! Ah-ha, fear is a common word, that many in spiritual circles and beyond have used as the cause for many of the world's ills, for me it is true. Fear prevents me from doing many things that I love doing, and that will be potentially helpful for those I love. So I write this letter to you, letting you know that I too have had doubts and fears, and I too am working to blast through them, sit with them and keep moving.

There is no time but the present, so live it. Visit Thriving for Thrivers site now, buy my downloads and CDs and register for my workshop and concert in Portland. If you can't make it, send someone who can--this is a life-changing event that will help you and those around you Thrive, especially in hard times.

Much love and support for you on your journey, Brian

THRIVING FOR THRIVERS

2009-03-20T02:25:00.000-07:00

Hi Folks,

It's been a whirlwind of a few months. The start of a new year is so refreshing. This new year was filled with much uncertainty. Finances, Finances, Finances, Money, Money, Money, Fear, Fear, Fear, Love, Love, Love, Freedom, Freedom, Freedom, Peace, Peace, Peace -- One More -- Flow, Flow, Flow.

The secret to success may not be very far away from you. In fact, the secret is within you, but it's no secret at all. What you are doing right now is creating what you will be doing tomorrow. Right now is your life, the thing you are doing is your life.

I've began the work of offering workshops and trainings for thrivers. The first of such workshop will be May 16-17, 2009 in Portland, Oregon. I've chosen a wonderful spot enough for twenty or so people. We have space, however, for only twelve registrants. So, take the next step in your healing and recovering go to my web-site, read the bio on Thriving for Thrivers, and click the option Buy Now for a special price by May 1. Participants in the weekend workshop are invited to a free concert/talk called Beautiful You! that Friday Night, May 15.

The workshop is open to health and wellness practitioners, survivors in the advanced stages of their recovery and partners and friends of survivors. I plan to offer many helpful tools you can bring home with you, or to the office, and the workshop is participatory. We may dance, sing, laugh, cry and reach our hearts to the sky. There will be time for discussion, meditation and relaxation, and you will be sent home with a personalized, strategic action plan, to help you keep on thriving and help those around you thrive.

If you aren't sure if you are a thriver, or not sure what a thriver is check-out an article I came across on Ezine on How to Change from Victim to a Survivor to a Thriver. Even though the article is in business terms, it can be applied to any circumstance. This article discusses three different kinds of people: The Victim, The Survivor and The Thriver. With this knowledge you can identify the category you are in, and choose which category you prefer, and change yourself accordingly. My events, products and services for thrivers will help you thrive!!!

Visit www.briankimmel.com/thrivingforthrivers.html for more information.

THE INNER WORLD

2009-02-23T04:23:00.000-08:00

I grew up in a world entirely run by adults. There was nothing I could do but to save myself. The people who offered to me their shelter, their kindness, and their friendship were themselves lost in a grownup's world. By grownup I mean confused, tied up in ignorance having strayed from innocence, having died to the cause of higher consciousness. They were weak in the face of love. Weak to each other. Weak to all others including themselves.

So I guess I'm trying to make it up to myself, to offer myself something that no one else can offer me. I knew it then as a child, I know it now. I've never had belief in others. I've never trusted others with the safekeeping of my best interests, the interests of my consciousness, my wakefulness, my true nature. No one knows what it is inside. No one knows that it can't be won from the outside. To be liberated, one can only do that from inside. One has to close the door to the outside. To walk inside, and to forget what is happening everywhere else. What is happening everywhere else really isn't happening. It's happening outside because it happens inside. Inside and outside doesn't matter in the scheme of things. When you are inside, everything outside is inside too. Only from the view of this inner world can you see reality.

©2008 Brian Kimmel.

Music as Meditation; Meditation is Life

2009-02-05T14:33:00.000-08:00

How often I've turned to music when no other alternatives have worked. Music has been a liberating factor in my recovery from the doldrums of daily life. I've heard the breath by Thich Nhat Hanh described like music, too. I know I have sought the music of my in-breath and out-breath more than any other music in the past twelve years. Perhaps that's why meditation has been so successful for me.

Some people don't have the understanding of the body as I do (being a singer and a trained massage therapist), and of the connection between the body and the mind. As a singer it is so important to work with the body, to facilitate the expansion and the contraction of the lungs, ribs and the relaxation, yet firm guidance of the abdomen with the openness and relaxation of the throat and mouth. It happens in the mind, yet the mind needs to be relaxed as well. Tension in the mind, a mind full of thoughts will not do. When calm, centered, focused, firm and yet relaxed the voice happens naturally. The song sings itself. The body opens to the song. Both mind and body are in harmony with each other.

This is meditation is it not? Music is meditation. I've watched so many great performers get into the groove, or get into the "music." Recounting a near to front row seat at Benaroya Hall in Seattle to watch Pandit Ravi Shankar commune with his Sitar--it was breath-taking--or breath-giving which ever way one might see it. I saw no separation between the music, his instrument, his body and his mind--everything flowed effortlessly together. It was enlightenment in action. Music can be enlightenment. Not every performer has that communion, and not every master performer brings that communion into their life. Perhaps that is the "addiction" to music, or the "addiction" to some meditators to their "meditation."

It is that oneness of body and mind, that togetherness with life and the universe. It is that draw into the source, that perfect union. The master brings that "meditation" into their life. Sitting, walking, eating, shitting, singing, dancing, making love it is all a part of the way one joins together, remains whole--unaffected, but not indifferent to the happenstances of the world, of life. Meditation is life. It's not separate from life. It's not something that can be done. It is life.

When meditation becomes life, there is no need really to fuss about conditions. Conditions are right just as they are. Even if there is fear, even if there is trepidation, even if there's craving, pursuit or anxiety--life unfolds as a meditation. Life unfolds as a song sung by a body and mind that is prepared for the song to come, released from burdens, from sorrows, and the song is sung, almost without effort. It is liberating to feel a song sing itself. It is equally liberating to experience life living itself. There is less effort involved. The effort is the initial stance, the setting up for the conditions, for the song to appear. When it appears it happens like a miracle.

Life happens effortlessly when the one who lives simply lives and gifts to themselves the confidence that life will work itself out. Essentially, "Getting out of the way." Too much can be done to gain a certain outcome. Too much emphasis put on the way it is "supposed to be" or the way "it has to be."

In life one can only do their best. If their best seems not enough, then perhaps there is too much emphasis on the outcome. Let loose of any thoughts of what you're going to receive in return. See clearly what it is you want, handle it softly with your thoughts. Prepare yourself, and live as if it has already happened. Then let go, soften into the effort you put on living it. As long as it is in front of you, it will never be you.

Meditation happens like a song, it comes seemingly out of the blue. It comes when conditions are sufficient. It comes when the practitioner has given up results. It comes when there is supreme relaxation, neither pulling away, nor pushing forward. It happens when one simply gives. Give your body. Give your mind. Give your ambition, your thoughts, your trepidation. Give it all to this moment. Give it all to this action. Give it all and let it in. Let in the song, the music, the meditation. Let in what naturally comes. Forget about doing. Forget about becoming. Forget about it all, and rest. Rest. Rest. Rest.

I say this because our society is driven by the extreme of more productivity (more labor) equals greater result. Sometimes with meditation more equals less. For those who aspire to lying around and doing "nothing" then a little effort may be needed (but not too much). This idea of letting go is perhaps a stumbling point for many. When I say "give" I mean to say that the personal will subsides. Adyashanti (a modern Zen Master) describes this process in one line, "The falling away of the personal will." What emerges is then the will (or perhaps no will) of the ultimate, some say God. But it is not God in the way one may think, a supreme being managing or dictating our thoughts and actions (telling us what to do). No, it is the unveiling of what is natural, what is "good", what enriches the lives of others and ourselves.

The personal will is only said to affect oneself, but it is erroneous. There is no such thing as personal will. There is no personal anything. Everything that is taken personal affects the whole. Everything with its motivation on the one person, the one being, affects everyone, everything else. I like to give the example of pollution. Think if there was only one person, driving one car--do you think there would be much pollution in the air? It is because many many people are driving cars that emit CO2 that causes pollution. There is sometimes the belief, "What does my thoughts and actions have to do with others. I am my own person. I mind my own business and other people should too."

But what we do, what we think, how we act does affect others. For us to live in harmony with ourselves, we may need to consider the feelings and perceptions of others. For anyone who lives with someone, there is that opportunity to care for someone else with the knowing that caring for them is caring for oneself. If one person is unhappy it affects everyone. Think of all the unhappy people in your life, how do you feel around them? What do people say about them? Are they well liked? Do people want to spend time with them?

If we liked spending time with unhappy people, and if we ourselves enjoyed being around unhappy people, perhaps there would be less therapists and doctors and psychiatrists in business. Mates of depressed ones flock to trained professionals (or entertainment, other lovers and such) to cope with their anxiety or their frustration. Many people can't deal with another person's unhappiness, not to mention their own, particularly if they happen to be engaged in an intimate relationship with them. If there is unhappiness, many people want to get away from it, or at least, want it to change.

So the meditation is a surrendering of the personal will, and is the coming to terms with the fact that we are all connected, all species, all beings are related, are engaged to each other--that there is only one, one without the view of many. That's the way it is. One cough in the world sends millions of germs out into the atmosphere. Catching a cold may be an indication of how much we are connected to others. And that in essence, is the teaching of kindness, loving kindness. We want to be kind, we want to be generous, we want to share our love because the other is a part of us. Loving ourselves then means loving the other person too. That is meditation. That is life. Meditation is life.

©2008 Brian Kimmel.

WHAT'S MONEY? MONEY MEDITATION

2009-01-07T06:43:00.000-08:00

Dear Beloved Friends,

The other day I looked at some dollar bills. Imagine if you were a martian, or a being from another dimension (which most of us are) and you had a Benjamin Franklin $100 in your hands. Staring down at the $100 bill you'd probably have no idea what it was and probably throw it away or something.

Money is a conventional designation, it is what we use to make business and personal transactions with and it's based on a conventionally perceived or collectively accepted idea. It's an agreement, really, that we have made with each other, those in our country and in the rest of the world. In truth though, it is empty, it has no permanent nature.

What if your notion, your idea of a $100 bill suddenly changed? What if you suddenly awakened to the true nature of money? In your hands it means power, the power to buy and sell. But it would be nothing without you. Money depends on you. The life you have is more precious than anything you can buy. Do you buy that? Do you get that?

Many of us may spend our time fixated on ideas, concepts and conventional understandings or agreements, contracts really. I encourage everyone, including myself, to go a bit deeper. What is your true nature? What power do you really have?

Meditation for this week:

Hold a $ bill in your hand, a euro if you are in EU, or an appropriate amount in your own currency, wherever you live--even Mars. Come in contact with the bill in your hand, smell it if you like, lick it if you like, put it up to your ear and see if it speaks to you. However you wish to really get in touch with this bill. Then spend it. Yes, spend. Buy whatever you want. Give it to charity. Whatever you want to do with it that will fit with its conventional purpose: to buy or sell things with. Even if you “save” money, you are really buying a contract with whatever institution you are putting the money into; you’re buying air, time and the resources it takes to manufacture numbers on a screen. It could be perceived as the same even if you’re investing in your front pockets, the underside of your mattress or the hidden place that no one knows about. Anywhere you put your money you are buying time, you are “buying” something. And when you sell something and receive the cash from it, the monetary gain, it’s only really just an exchange. "More" or "less" money comes from the same place. It is important to look within to see what is available for you and what you are available for right now.

The bill you have in your hand is fleeting. And so is the hand that holds it and the mind and body that perceives it. What will more or less bills offer you if you haven't a body and mind to experience the bills with? Use it as it is meant to be used, use it for awareness. Use it to become aware. Use it, but find freedom within.

Any questions or comments, my contacts are everywhere. I am offering online/over-the-phone home-based meditation retreats starting whenever you would like them to, catered to your personal practice needs. Hit me up for more details. Look forward to meeting you or hearing from you soon.

Much Love, Brian

©2008 Brian Kimmel.

How Do I Make A Gift To Brian & What For?

2008-12-24T15:39:00.000-08:00

My question is, "What if you live in the center of being already? What if you are already what you are looking for, seeking, and practicing to become? Then, what will you do? Who will you be? How will you live your life?"

There have been a few developments lately. In an effort to make my work more accessible I have postponed the Home-Based Meditation Retreat scheduled to start on Dec 31. For those of you who have already signed up--not to fear, many of my most recent talks are posted for free on my lulu site: http://www.lulu.com/briankimmelstore. I will be available through consult over the phone, by suggested donation $1 / minute. If you would like to receive consult, e-mail or give me a call and we will setup an appointment. Regular sessions over-the-phone or in person are better than a home-based retreat, because the time is completely tailored to your needs.

If you would like to pay for retreats you have attended, talks you have downloaded or listened to, and services like phone consultations and deep listening sessions please see my web-site www.briankimmel.com or the column beside my blog. On my front page below the picture under the metta prayer on the left hand column is a menu option saying Retreats: press the arrow beside it with your mouse pointer to scroll down. Choose Retreat, Talks, Workshops, Services, Downloads or Concerts if you like by pressing the highlighted selection with your mouse pointer. Then, in the white box above the “Pay Now” button, type in what you are making a gift for (like what specific talk or music you downloaded, what retreat or talk you attended or would like to attend, or what service you received). Finally, press “Pay Now” and it will bring you to pay pal checkout, and you can fill in the amount you'd like to offer there made payable by any major credit card or debit to Brian Kimmel.

These contributions will help support my daily living, transportation and materials I may need for research, equipment for recording and editing talks and music, as well as, publicity for events and any press-kits I will need to send out for event proposals and touring engagements. Your financial support is of great benefit, and will enable me to help more people through the practices and insights I have presented to you. I look forward to being available in more ways through this work, and to be able to invite others to assist me on this journey of sharing.

In Gratitude with the highest merit,

Brian

©2008 Brian Kimmel.

OUR INTRINSIC NATURE

2008-12-10T23:21:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

I'd like to share my definition, first, of conventional designation. A conventional designation is a name placed on anything that can be conceived of, rationalized, materialized or that changes according to view. Basically, everything is a conventional designation except source. What we are doing is relating to life in terms of a view or an idea of life that we have adopted. Conventional designations as my teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh has said, "Makes life easier." Sometimes it is necessary in our day to day experience to use words like "I" and "Mine" and "Theirs" and "Ours" but without the understanding of your intrinsic nature, you'll be deceived. Suffering, even the joys accompanying suffering are illusory, they come from the concept of "I" and "Mine." This is what I call the "Making of Mine."

In terms of survivors of abuse, and my own recovery, I have had to look at three root conventional designations that I have been holding as intrinsically wrong: Sex with a stepfather (parental figure), Sex with a male, sex as a child (rape). With the view that these three occurrences are intrinsically wrong, I would be held in the idea that a part of me, a part of my life was wrong. And that notion of wrong creates a pattern, a conditioned way of living and relating to life and the world. I can be trapped in what is commonly known as "Victimhood."

I don't say "victimhood" lightly. It's not the sort of victimhood that victims, or those caught in the view of self and other, call each other, it's the victimhood that we are forming within ourselves. What I have needed to do and what made all the difference in my recovery was this release of the idea that there is or was something intrinsically wrong with me, with an experience I had. And looking back on the experience I see it in a new way. An experience can never be the same, cannot really be stuck in time. It may feel that way, and it may appear that way, and one may suffer in the same way, with the same sort of pain and hurt, but it is not the same. How can it be the same? The experience can only be experienced truthfully as it is happening.

Whatever the mind does with what is experienced, whatever the body does with the experience, is removed from what the experience actually is or was. Now it becomes a perception, it is perceived, it is conventionalized, it is conceived of by the mind--and from that perception, without awareness, grows habit-energy. Habit energy is an unconsciousness manifestation of consciousness.

At the very base of who we think we are, is this notion of "self" and "other." At deaths door, on deaths table, everyone is faced with this notion of self. And those who succeed in vanquishing the notion of self will not return. Those who cannot release the notion of self will return, or will continue to live, in forgetfulness.

"Self" is defined as something other than what everyone else is. Although we have our separateness, there is a unique way in which all of us come-to-be, we are a unique flowering of consciousness as source, and it is only through togetherness that we exist.

"Wrong" is a conventional designation. It's an idea that we have adopted within ourselves, based on a certain accepted belief in society (or not accepted depending upon the source of the idea). If I continually hold onto the view of the three things about my experience with abuse that I felt to be wrong (emphasis on the "view" of it being "wrong") I subject myself to suffering, and the habit energy of "mine" never ceasing in the samsaric realm of birth, death, and the subsequent joys and pains associated with craving and desire.

Look into a conventional designation in terms of Kharma, or results of actions. Behind every action is a thought, behind every thought is volition, will and a view, behind every view is a habitualized relationship to an "I," a self, an entity, a soul existing separately from the source, that continually manifests experiences through the view of self and other, inside and outside, and all polarized extremes (i.e. Christian, non-Christian; Buddhist, non-Buddhist; friend, enemy).

What is not a conventional designation is that place which everything comes from, that thing which isn't a thing at all that unites us all, and is our intrinsic nature (in togetherness). Everything is consciousness as source, experiencing itself and nothing more. What we have been experiencing as life, really, is a delusion, an illusory concept of reality. Life cannot be contained within a concept, within a notion, within a thought, within an idea, an ideology (even the ones I am proposing now); life is far vaster than anything that can be materialized completely in one form, and yet it is all there in everything we can come in contact with.

What we have, and what we can develop is the expansiveness of our being. Having seen the darkness, the suffering, the joys in suffering--the delusion, the craving, and the stickiness to forms we release that which binds us to a material existence, one that in its very nature is impermanent. What unites us is intrinsically alive in its vastness, continually manifesting itself throughout the world of phenomena, the world we experience through our senses, our thoughts and our convictions. Life is too rare to be confined within a permanent idea of self, soul and other.

©2008 Brian Kimmel.

IN LIGHT OF THE VIOLENCE OF THE NEWS: “The Ultimate is all there really is.”

2008-12-03T23:58:00.000-08:00

Are there really more wars in the world than there has been? Are there really more terrorists, more bombings? It seems that the world has been picking at the same, festering wounds for ages. I don’t remember a time in my 28 years when there wasn’t a bombing somewhere. Whether or not there is more violence, fear, anger and hatred in the world now than there was ten, fifteen, twenty years or more ago seems irrelevant, what is important is to see the connection between the acts of violence and the seed of violence in our own consciousness, and the collective consciousness.

What someone is trying to do is water the seed of fear. Whether that watering happens from actions of our government, supposedly the most powerful and most influential in the world, whether it happens because of the terrorist, or people we see as terrorists who try to make their voices heard—one cannot deny the influence of fear upon the seed of fear within us. It occurs to me that those who commit atrocities do so because they believe or they have knowledge that fear is the ultimate, and that fear can motivate others to action—to more fear.

But to me, fear is like a candle blowing in the wind, it is lit one moment, and with a strong enough blow, it returns from where it came from. Fear is within; it is based upon one’s perception of reality, of what is really going on. And those in power, or those who want power, think that power is in fear, but they are wrong. Power is seeing clearly the results of one’s actions. Power is seeing through the terminal experiences of feelings and happenings in the mundane world. Power is touching something greater within us, that all of us are a part of. We are all united by a common source. Arriving into the remembrance of this unity is really the power that can liberate the world of violence, anger, hatred and fear. All of these feelings are but sensations of the mind and body, and they can do great damage if you let them.

In the face of fear, resist fear. Allow the mind and the body to relax into the comfort of the Ultimate Reality—this is the common source I talk about. Don’t allow the heart for a moment to be consumed. Turn off the T.V., put down the newspaper, step away from your computer and cellphone, and listen to the birds outside your window, stepping onto the soil, the earth, feel your connection to nature, feel the sun, feel the coolness (or the warmth) in the air.

We don’t have to fear. We are conditioned to fear. Let go of the need to fear, let go and surrender to the Ultimate. The Ultimate is a part of you. The Ultimate is a part of everything around you. The Ultimate is all there really is.

©2008 Brian Kimmel.

COMMIT TO SIT FOUR HOURS A DAY

2008-12-01T11:23:00.000-08:00

There is something to fear about meditation. Meditation is getting to know the ultimate, the source of who you are. In that space, nothing is perfect, nothing is good enough—the drive, the motivation, the encouragement to keep going is supreme, and yet there must be a letting go, a surrendering to what is for perfection to be realized. The sound of one hand clapping, a falling tree in the forest without an ear around to hear it, all surpassed by the shadows that now spring forth. Those places that have been untouched, unseen, forgotten about and hidden and the faces of ourselves, our true selves appear, the masks we’ve worn, the faces of selfishness, greed, niceness and pleasures—all of them have been knock-offs of the real thing. Now seen, now experienced with every sound, every taste, every sensation of the mind and body amplified billions of times over depending how far one goes, how deep one sinks into the void. But the pleasure of it, the desire for it, and the return to it is far greater than any pleasure, any desire, any return—and so we make it, that journey over and over again until our journey is complete, and only until it is complete.

COMMIT TO SIT FOUR HOURS A DAY

You probably already sit four hours a day or more, but you don’t know that you are sitting. So, this month in time for your New Year’s Resolution commit to sit, when you are sitting be aware that you are sitting. Wherever you are sitting: On the toilet, in the car, on a chair in your office, on the sofa in front of the T.V. or on a meditation cushion or bench you can bring awareness to your seat. You may like to say to yourself immediately when you remember your commitment, and become aware that you remember, “Breathing in, I am aware that I am seated. Breathing out, I am aware that I am seated.”

STILLNESS

Ha! And in the times that you are seated on a cushion, a bench, the floor, or a chair for sitting meditation allow yourself the time to rest—no need to worry about whether you are doing it right, just do it, just be there. If you can become still in your body, as still as you can be without becoming rigid, this is a relaxed stillness, then your mind may be able to be still. Stillness does not mean not moving—just the opposite—stillness means movement, it means change, it means impermanence.

MOVEMENT

Sometimes in meditation you may be inclined to move, you may feel a tightness in your body, and your immediate reaction is to want to move that part of your body, to uncross your legs, circle your neck, or undue your gaze—do what you need to do to be comfortable before you settle into the meditation, fix your posture so that you can rest. And in this resting fix your mind on your breath, fix your mind on the phenomena of change—that everything is changing, and there is no need for manipulation of this change. This change happens regardless if we want it to or not.

Those who come to meditation may have come to unburden themselves from the harshness of this world, you may have come because you are suffering with guilt, with shame and are in despair. Or you may have come because you want a greater sense of happiness, a greater sense of freedom, a greater sense of love. So you come to meditation and you think meditation will change you, and it will. That is something to fear. Because the life we have been living is not enough, how can it ever be? The ultimate is such an expanse, and until you are aware of the ultimate in you, and expand your awareness and your capacity to be aware, you may never know the greatness that is you. This is not an intellectual feat, it is not an experience based on craving and desire.

Meditation is a complete annihilation of the world and of the life we know. And the more you become extinct, the greater opportunity you have in it, this world and everything in it becomes a field of merits, which can expound the universe through every breath. What is a movement of a leg or an arm in meditation, compared to the expansiveness of being the ultimate? Sometimes it is only habit energy. Sometimes it is only mind telling you it is bored, it is tired, it is craving a reaction, but stillness knows more.

BREATH

The breath becomes silent, unobstructed by our physical, mental and emotional holdings. The breath becomes a surveyor of the soul, a guide, a vehicle for transformation. Through this silence, this stillness, this becoming aware we graduate into the world of the unknown, and being there one has to continually nourish it, continually return, both in meditation and in daily life. Daily life must bring you to earth, and to step solidly on earth and penetrate with every step into the ultimate one step at a time.

©2008 Brian Kimmel.

A home-based meditation retreat for survivors of abuse and everyone will start Dec. 31 more details and registration available at briankimmel.com, call (702) 461-8422 or e-mail retreats@briankimmel.com.

GETTING READY FOR THE NEXT WORLD SUPER POWER, LOVE

2008-10-01T03:15:00.000-07:00

You may or may not have noticed the new world order is already here. What the allies fought against in WWII was imported to the U.S. and into world view in a mask of Capitalism, Patriotism and the U.S.A. as World Super Power. What distinguishes friends from enemies now is a matter of view, and it has always been this way.

War is in us. This is a war we have created in our hearts, and is a war we promote through how we live our lives. The notions of good and bad, right and wrong, saintly and evil are all concepts of mind, constituents of consciousness.

What dominates us all is the reality of interdependence. We inter-are with all life, all elements of the cosmos are a part of us. When one of us is sick and despaired we are all affected by that illness. When one country goes to war with another country, that war is felt across the planet. It is not only human beings that are affected by war; all living beings (animals, plants and minerals) are affected by war. Violence, anger and hatred do not have the nature to win. Where there is violence, anger, and hatred someone or something loses. When one person or thing loses, everyone and everything loses.

The next great super power in the world will be the consciousness of love, peace and beauty—it already is. Love is the only power that unites. Love is inclusive, and accepts everyone. What goes on in each of our hearts is the conflict of the millennium. This conflict is the choice between perpetual suffering, and the liberation from suffering.

One of the most challenging occurrences for me was when my stepfather went to prison for sexually assaulting me. It was, of course, a crime that many thought deserved punishment. And at the time, he threatened to take our lives, and harassed many people who worked to convict him. The perplexing thing about the trial is that the trial wasn’t about whether or not my stepfather did do the things I said he did to me, it was about who was negligent.

My stepfather’s defense tried to prove that my mother was negligent, and therefore my stepfather was innocent. And in someway it was true. Mom did have the responsibility of caring for me, preventing harm coming to me, regardless of whether she knew that something was happening to me or not. The prosecuting attorney representing me in the case then tried to convince the court, through my mother’s testimony that she was a battered wife, was not able to care for me, and entrusted me in the care of my stepfather who made it seem through his continued threats toward her in their marriage that she was to blame for everything, and that he was more trustworthy to care for me than was she.

I also saw that mom and my former stepfather had grown up in a society in which violence (physical, emotional or other) against women and children was not a crime. Battering of women was all too common even after WWII. Into my mother’s generation there were no laws determining public persecution for a husband who beat or raped his wife, and a father or mother who beat their children. What defined appropriate and inappropriate in families changed as my parents’ generation fought for woman’s rights, and as their generation had children and started families of their own. But still the challenges and the violence continued.

I had the choice not to send my stepfather to prison, and not to testify. But I chose to testify because he threatened our lives and he was liable to do it again with another family. (He already was romantically involved with a woman who had a three-year old son who lived down the street from us while my mother and he were still married, through the trial and continued the relationship while he was in prison). My conviction and my mission in offering a testimony were to “save other children from experiencing what I experienced.”

The prosecutor told me that my testimony would help other children, because it would help legislators in the state, and in the country to better protect children, and to safeguard them in the event that they had to go to trial. My testimony was one of the last in the state in which children were allowed to testify in an open courtroom.

The day I spoke in trial, the courtroom was filled with a jury, the judge, court hands, lawyers, my family, my stepfather and his family and other people I didn’t even know. I was twelve years old. Even though I had to testify I didn’t really want my stepfather to go to prison. I loved him. We had a lot of struggles with each other, but he had entered my life, and he was one of the people I was closest to at the time. His assaults, no matter how ugly and painful they were, felt like love to me.

I didn’t get the full response to my inner convictions (that I loved him) until he was convicted and we attended the hearing for his sentencing. He walked into the room, filled by only a dozen or so family members of both sides, wearing a neon orange prison suit and chains around his arms and legs. Word had seeped out from inmates to guards at the county jail where he was detained that he planned to escape. A large group of his friends planned to ambush the guards as they transported him from the county jail to the courthouse for sentencing. The sentencing was moved to the jail in order to prevent the ambush. And the mob of his friends were resolved to stand outside in the lobby and watch the sentencing on a live T.V. monitor.

What convicted him? Was it me? Was it the courts? Was it the jury? Did he convict himself? Or was it the collective—everyone who participated in the trial, both the defense and the prosecution, and the collective view of our society?

I can’t be for sure what happened in my stepfather’s mind the day he was convicted and the day he was sentenced for his crimes. His name is Greg. He is a human being. He is not a monster. He has a heart just like the rest of us. He has anger, pride and thoughts of violence. He has blame, guilt and shame. He even has joy, happiness and the ability to listen deeply to relieve suffering somewhere in his consciousness.

What dominates society is a lack of responsibility for the “freedoms” we would like to impose onto others. Freedom, true freedom can only be with responsibility, to become responsible for our thoughts, our words, our actions, and to transform unskillful states of mind and nurture states of mind that promote forgiveness, deep listening, understanding and reconciliation. Love unites. Love is the only power that wins. Where there is love there is community, there is togetherness, there is life, there is peace and there is beauty.

I don’t believe the war on terror or any wars will end unless the conflict in one’s heart is reconciled. This is a war between views, a war with our true nature and an illusory concept of self. Peace happens when love is visible with the naked eye. Peace happens when there is a release from sorrows, from arrogance, and from the views of right and wrong, good and bad, saintly and evil.

A president cannot save the people of a country, of the planet or of the world alone. It takes all of us, each individual working as a collective to transform the violence, hatred and anger in our very own life and to become a vehicle of liberation and peace. Most important is to listen deeply to oneself, to take time out, to turn off the T.V., the radio, the computer, and conversations. To be there, both body and mind together. To become free right where you are as you are.

When you are free, present in your body and mind, then you are better able to listen deeply to the cries of those who are in need, and that may very well be yourself, the ways you suffer and create suffering. When you are free you are free from the grips of anxiety, depression and despair. And you have surrendered your heart to becoming more aware of the hardships you have created by your views, and the hardships others have created by their views.

The next world super power is love, and it is already here.

©2008 Brian Kimmel

YOUR TRUE NATURE IS LOVE

2008-09-22T15:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

The unfortunate consequence of the war against terror is that it is a war against ourselves. The anger, hatred and violence in the world is due to the anger, hatred and violence in our very life. On the path of love and healing means on the path of transforming unwholesome actions of body, speech and mind, into gardens of forgiveness, forbearance and listening deeply to help relieve suffering.

One thing my mentor, Sister Susan, had said to me long ago, "Brian, you've got to make yourself happy. You have all the tools that you have learned: walking meditation, stopping, looking deeply, cradling the little child within you, in order to not be overwhelmed by sorrow, despair, anger, you've got to put into practice everything you have learned."

It is a challenge with everything going on to not fall ill, to not fall into that place of shame and guilt and sorrows. Come back home to yourself, your true nature is love. Having compassion for others does not mean suffering with them. Having compassion means that you are taking good care of your own emotions, and that you send your energy, your transformation to those in need. When you have compassion, true compassion, your sending of energy is also receiving of energy. True compassion liberates us from suffering, from unwholesome states of mind and body.

The object of the practice is to be free where you are, to notice, and to cultivate the freedom that is in your heart. This freedom comes through taking responsibility for your actions, your thoughts, your words. This freedom comes from letting go of views that separate you, that isolate others and yourself, and prevent love and communication from growing.

My extended family was torn apart by sexual misconduct and abuse. For many years I have wanted my family to come back together. There are those who just want to forget about their siblings, who want nothing to do with their children. And I have struggled in the past with despair over these occurrences. Still today I find it challenging to discern what my role is. My duty is not to take sides, but to observe, and to practice wholeheartedly, to make sure that I am peaceful, calm and live with clarity of mind. I want to be firm and solid in myself, not easily overcome by despair and anger and anxiety. I want to be free where I am. That's why I am offering this blog, and am writing a book about my experiences.

This November I will be leading a retreat in Las Vegas for Survivors and Everyone who wishes to attend in order to look at the ways we have been victims of abuse, but also to see our connection to the violence, hatred and discrimination in the world. The nature of this retreat is very light, very welcoming, and very much at ease. We want to promote peace in one's daily life. We want to promote peaceful healing. This can only be done in an atmosphere of loving-kindness, through listening deeply and using loving speech.

For more information about the retreat held NOV 21-23, 2008 please e-mail me at brian@briankimmel.com or call (702) 461-8422. Thank you.

THE CANDIDATE I SUPPORT AND WHY

2008-09-10T04:29:00.000-07:00

Two things on my mind lately are...the health and well-being of our society especially future generations who are not yet able to vote, and my book (the message behind it) on a peaceful recovery from sexual child abuse.

Joe Biden's, “Violence Against Women Act,” signed into public law by President Bill Clinton in 1994 could have saved me if it had been enacted seven years prior, when my mother first started being beaten by my former stepfather. Had it been a crime, then, mom may have had more courage, and the support of lawmakers to bring her and her family into safety. Instead, the abuses continued, and it continued with me. For many years I was witness to my mother's beatings, and in private I was raped and emotionally tormented by my stepfather.

Barack Obama, my pick to be our next president voted for a bill, so I hear, to get age-appropriate sex-education for K-12 into public schools. I didn't receive the education about unsafe touch until I was in third grade, when I was eight years old. What my teacher taught us was unspecific, and had to do with strangers who might abduct us at school and in no way educated us on our feelings sexually, and I did have sexual feelings at the time. It was the age my stepfather started his assaults on me, even though his harassment had begun when we first moved in with him when I was five years old. The fear and violence of the household made it very challenging to determine that anything was wrong. You see, that's how violence happens, abuses happen, and keep happening. There is a sort of trickery, a sort of distortion of reality that goes on. The reality becomes the abuse, the abuse becomes the norm, and the violence is allowed to go on and on and on.

In my case it didn't end until sixth grade when I finally received sex-education and I told mom that I had been abused. None of my parents wanted to talk to me about sex. How could they? We have made sex and sexuality such a forbidden subject, yet big corporations use it in advertising in order to manipulate us into getting us to buy buy buy. And it's a sure win almost every time. We know the power of sex in our lives; it's how we all got here (unless you are a worm or a one-cell organism). My thought, just as it is Obama's is that the people of the

U.S.A.

need to be inspired, their hearts uplifted, and their intelligence brought forth.

Shame, guilt and fear are exercised too much in our country, and it has been under the Bush Administration, and under the influence of extremists pushing their view of reality on the collective. We all have extreme views over things, and that's why we need leaders that will allow our free expressions, and will voice themselves with intelligence, insight and loving-kindness against acts that indiscriminately violate our constitutional rights under common law, and under the laws of our constitutional amendments.

We need leaders who will be able to share, to listen, and to work together with other countries in order to empower and motivate our own. The only way to end the wars in the world is to build bridges of solidarity, brotherly-sisterly love, compassion (listening to the suffering of others and ourselves) and letting go of the views that make us separate, make us fight, make us angry and hurt inside.

I want leaders in this country who will end war. Who will make peace and begin to reverse the destruction we have caused the planet. Prevent the drilling of the arctic, and other sacred, pristine places that define the integrity and preciousness of life, in which we claim to defend. Invest in innovative plans to make our country interdependent with other nations, not independent. Because independent is more of the same, is lies, is corruption of our very nature. We depend on all life-forms: Plant, mineral, animal and vegetal for our well-being, for our life.

Some may think, “I don’t even vote—it’s between the lesser of two evils.” Yes, indeed it is, but please, I beg of you, VOTE! People have suffered, and have died for the right to vote—women and men of all shapes, sizes, ages, ancestry and creeds throughout history. Your vote does count. The lesser of two evils is the path on the right direction. No one can rule our heart. But we can listen. And we can help those in leadership positions to listen too.

No candidate is going to be perfect, no country is going to be perfect, and none of us are going to be perfect either. It depends on what your “perfect” is. If your “perfect” is working toward freedom, responsibility and liberty for all, who is the candidate for you? If your “perfect” is working toward love, harmony and beauty who is the candidate for you? That is the question.

I’ve already told you my answer.

A PEACEFUL RECOVERY

2008-09-02T01:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Survivors,

The one thing I have noticed being a survivor and hearing the stories of other survivors, is there is a link between us and many other people who live with the idea that they should be quiet, that they should shut up, that they should not share completely what is on their heart. Fear of not being liked, fear of saying too much, fear of not being heard, these are complications that exist in many people, and it is an ill of our society.

If we are truly to overcome the painful feelings and experiences that we have lived through, then we are to shatter the belief that we are not good enough, exactly as we are. Everything that has happened to you was meant to be. My mother believed that to be true of our situation with my ex-stepfather Greg. And I believe it to be somewhat true myself. No matter how many times we may bust through our limitations, no matter how many intentions we set, and no matter how much bad Karma we have burned, there seems to be the lingering way of the collective that sometimes dominates our reality.

But when you are a practitioner of the Way, and when you seek refuge in the heart of awakening within, life and its circumstances become less of an obstacle and more of a training ground. We meet our life’s journey with a sort of hesitance now. And we can learn to meet our life’s journey, instead, with faith, with gratitude, and with determination.

We can instill faith in the power of love to guide us. We can instill faith in our ability to come through hardship with more strength, more wisdom, and with the capacity to reveal ourselves with humility, severing our commitments to egoistic desires. As survivors we are to become authentic human beings who meet the challenges of our present day and age with the courage to look beyond our differences, and to shine in our diversity.

We are to become leaders who have fought through the darkness, who have surrendered, and who have given in to the light, the love, the good in everyone. To be awake and aware is truly the gift we have been given by our abusers, and by our society. Without the hardships we have faced, without the turmoil, the pains of being abused, we may not have known this treasure that lives within us, and in every living being.

We have the ability to transcend experiences of the past, present and future. We have the ability to co-create the world we live in. And we have the ability to re-shape our lives just by the way we think, by the way we relate to what we have experienced.

Our life is no longer a battlefield. We may be involved in the many wars in our lifetime, politically, socially and economically. But the greatest war we may have to fight is the war against our anger, our greed, our own divisiveness, our arrogance, and our need to be a victim and to name all the people and things that have perpetrated us.

To be a peacemaker, to have a peaceful recovery, we must face the war within. And we must end that war, and allow the kindness within our heart to dominate. We must allow ourselves to reconcile with the parts of us we have denied, and the parts of others we may refuse to see: Their love, their kindness, their gratitude, and even their despair.

Those we see as our enemies, they are just like us, fighting a war they may not win in this lifetime. They have anger. They have pride. They have greed. They have disappointments. And one time in their life, they may have loved someone with all their heart, and that person may have denied their love, and they may have suffered greatly because of it. They may not have been able to cope with that loss, that denial. And so they let their pain overcome them, their anger won. And they in turn sought revenge through victimizing others. And while victimizing others, their pain, their anger, their hurt and despair increased, and their compulsion became a habit, one which may be very challenging to break.

We all have the potential of abusing others. And we are, right now, a part of a web that co-creates violence, discrimination, and hatred in the world. If we cannot take hold of our emotions, of our bodies, of our minds, and make peace with the parts of ourselves that want to go to war with everything and everyone we have chosen to be an enemy of, we become a perpetrator too. That “evil” is inside of you. That “evil” is a little seed or a big seed in your consciousness, in everyone’s consciousness. It only takes a little watering for that seed to grow. And with more watering, that seed can sprout, and grow bigger and bigger within in us until we cannot hide from it, and we cannot hide it from others.

My wish is to be a peaceful healer, and to have a peaceful recovery with memories of sexual child abuse. My wish is for all those who are survivors, and all those out there who feel they cannot be heard, to be heard. First, listen to yourself. Listen deeply to the story your body, your mind, your heart is telling you. Listen deeply and ask of it to share everything it has to share. Become a friend, a best friend to yourself. That is the Way. That is the love I am talking about.

Survivors and all people can have this love. It is possible. Love is possible for everyone.

In Gratitude for You,
Brian

BEING AMERICAN, BEING GAY, BEING A SURVIVOR OF ABUSE

2008-08-26T02:37:00.000-07:00

What makes us survivors? Is it not on the same lines as what makes "gays" gay? I'm gay, and I'm a survivor of sexual child abuse. I'm an American, too. Sometimes it helps to say that I am these things, because it has been challenging, or it is challenging at times to be these things.

I've had a lot of anger towards the gay community, have had anger against Americans (even though I am one) and have had anger for survivors of abuse (I have always considered myself a pro-survivor). All of this being said anger has played a large role in my recovery, whether I do recover, or don't recover. Anger has been linked, not just to my frustration, but to my sadness, to my regrets...I think, "Why do I have to say I'm gay? Why do I have to say I was abused by my stepfather? Why do I have to commit to the nation of my birth?"

I don't always agree with the community at large, even though I am part of that community. I have chosen this road, and I have also been presented with this "choice" through my circumstances. It's hard to admit, first, the truth of what I am in this body, in this life, the truth of what happened to me as child, and the truth of how I've conducted my life post.

I have had hatred in my heart for parts of myself, and when I see others that portray certain characteristics about myself (I'm a little femme) I become hateful of them too. This hate, this anger eats away at my heart. I resist these titles, and in doing so, I feel there is a part of myself that I resist. To truly accept myself without being caught in myself, or my idea of self (because I'm Buddhist and don't agree with a separate self) that is my personal challenge, that is my Karma if you will. That is my journey of recovery, recovering the beauty of my heart: Love, preciousness, freedom and responsibility.

I have a responsibility to my country, and to the people I accept as lovers. I have a responsibility to other survivors, because I have survived. This journey as a survivor is one that I can share with others, and when I share my experiences, my triumphs, and my challenges I feel nourished, and I believe I nourish other survivors and friends of survivors too.

The heart can grow cold. When the heart grows cold with anger, hatred and violence, the habit and the energy of abuse continues in oneself, and in society. Love, Truth and Beauty is the reality of an open heart, an open mind, and a body that breathes life and recovery for the benefit of all. For me, it's more than just agree or disagree it is about what creates more or less suffering. It is inevitable: there will be some pains in life, some hurts, some separation, and something that may cause ill-being. Anger doesn't help anyone. Fear, prejudice, doesn't help anything. But love, love heals all wounds.

When there is love, there is deep-listening, there is openness, honesty, and vulnerability. Being able to show our strengths and our weakness, that is being human.Thank you to everyone for listening, and for sharing your heartfelt sentiments. Keep Thriving!

DARN-IT, SING!

2008-08-19T07:10:00.000-07:00

What you need to know is that your voice is all your own. It doesn’t have to sound “good” but it can feel good. No one can be taught how to sing. We were made to sing!

Many people have said, or have been told, “I can’t sing. Well, tone-deaf may be a possibility, but that doesn’t mean you can’t sing, and that you don’t have a voice, or can’t voice the song and the music that is in your heart. If you can talk, you can sing. So, darn-it,

SPECIAL EVENT FIRST TWO SATURDAYS:

2008-08-19T07:08:00.000-07:00

SING, RELEASE!

Journey to Discover Your Authentic Singing Voice

Blue Sky Yoga / 2:00 – 3:30 p.m.

First Two Saturdays of September & October - $15 accepted at door.

Sept. 06 – Finding “Your Voice”

Sept. 13 – Divine Presence

Oct. 04 – Stage Fright

Oct. 11 – Let the Music Breathe

No Experience Needed

Have you ever wanted to sing? Come discover the hidden musical gems within you. There will be guided meditations, and even a performance by the facilitator.

Brian is a local pianist, composer, and vocal artist. He will blend all of his unique talents together to guide participants in what will sure to be a wonderfully blissful and transformational event, sure to be remembered.

Contacts: brian@briankimmel.com

www.briankimmel.com

Directions:

Blue Sky Yoga, Inside the Arts Factory
101 E. Charleston (Charleston and Main - downstairs)

(702) 592-1396 / http://www.blueskyyogalv.com/

FIRST, LOVE

2008-07-13T03:51:00.000-07:00
I remember the days preceding the trial. A little, frail, twelve year old boy. My parents, family friends, and even my counselors recommended for me to get angry. For me to scream, and throw a fit. To punch a punching bag, beat pillows, and let all that anger go.

I didn't follow their instruction. I was too scared to let my anger go. And it indeed, affected my health. Depression, anxiety, rage, thoughts and acts toward suicide. It's terrible really, the results of our actions.

I can imagine my perpetrator as a twelve year old boy. The anger and hatred in him was most likely severe. By the way he treated me, my mother, and other family members I knew, even as I was a little boy, that his anger must have been growing for a long, long time.

First, love, develop compassion. There is no need to "get angry" really. A need to acknowledge anger, yes. A need to deal with anger, certainly. The way one deals with anger, though, may differ.

I was privvy to acting out with rage as a child. Even before the trial, before I even told anyone about the abuse I was tearing apart my room, getting into fits of rage. I couldn't help it! I didn't know what else to do. "Getting it all out" didn't feel like I got anything out.

When I discovered mindful breathing, that is what really helped. I became aware of my anger.

Aware of anger as I breathe in.
Aware of anger as I breathe out.

Aware of how anger makes me feel in my body, I breathe in.
Aware of how anger makes me feel in my body, I breathe out.

The awareness is the first step in truly loving ourselves. Awareness, not so much the doing. It is the non-doing, the stopping, the taking stock of what is there. Then, that moment is real. That moment reveals itself. What are the lessons to be learned?

First, love. First become aware. When you are aware, then you may have a better sense of what is there. And when you know what is there, then you will know what it is that you need help with, and how others may be able to help you.

First, love. Become aware. And the wonders of life will reveal themselves.

LIFE IS A BODY FILLED WITH MUSIC

2008-06-11T01:55:00.000-07:00
I started writing songs when I was nine or ten. They were simple themes with the intention to make them into musicals. I would often write story lines along with them. It's curious to see how my relationship with music and writing has come along. I've watched the desire from being so intense, so deliberate when I was growing up. Every chance to be on stage--I took it. There were times we'd go to the store, Dad and sis and me, in Dad's pick up. Right when we'd get out of the truck, I'd hop in the bed of the truck and start singing at the top of my lungs, I'd whale and flail my arms about as if I were in a Broadway show. You can imagine how my Dad and Sister felt. Sister often walked off as if she didn't know me (which was the case most of the time we were together). And Dad often persuaded me to get down, and stop making a scene. But I was uncontrollable, then. To a certain extent I am still uncontrollable now. And that spirit is wonderful for songwriting. Especially when the songs are used for motivating others toward positive change--social change, personal change makes little difference.

Music affects our lives, the way we think, the way we act. Almost immediately, we can feel the way the music we are hearing is affecting us. To be honest, I don't listen to recorded music very much. I enjoy the singing of birds, the sound of the wind in the palms, even the whir of electricity running through the house. It's all music. It all puts out its own vibration. Every living organism has its own vibration. Plants, animals and minerals. And each of us has our own song. That song we sing goes with us wherever we go. It changes too. As we grow old, our song refines. And as we are passing, our song leaves our body. Death is a body without a song. Life is a body filled with music.

Listen, and you will hear it. The song of your heart. The rythmn of your soul. Wonderful!

A LETTER TO MALE SURVIVORS

2008-06-08T02:46:00.000-07:00
Dear Brothers,

My name is Brian. I came from childhood abuse. But I am more than that. The one thing I was afraid of after my stepfather came into my bedroom was that what he did would make me gay. I am gay. It's hard to say those words. I've spent so much of my life trying to convince myself otherwise.

Sex and sexuality has been made a forbidden subject in our society. We do it. We see it in advertisements, and on movies, in magazines, and in our relationships. But we don't talk about it. We don't really talk about it. It's not just the talking about sex that has been forbidden, it is the deep looking into it, the surveying of it in our heart, in our body, and in our consciousness. It's this reluctance to get in touch with how we are affecting the world with our views and actions in regards to sex and sexuality.

It may not be extreme to say that most of us, if not all of us, survivors and non-survivors alike of any gender and nationality, have contributed to the misuse and abuse of sex and sexuality. I don't mean so much how we treat others (how we treat others does matter too and affects us and our life) I mean to say that each of us are creating more pain, more hardship, more corruption of this energy.

Sex is energy. We use energy for many things. Sex in our culture has been used to gain power over our thoughts and our actions. Advertisements built by consumerist, capitalistic giants use sex to empower their message: Buy, Buy, Buy. And we are committed, through our actions of body, speech and mind, to servicing their desire for money, power and possession of one of the world's most precious, most valuable resources: The Human Mind.

We are trained from a very young age in habitual responses. Men who love women see movies where beautiful women are saved and caressed by studly, handsome, physically sculpted males, and the men may feel aroused. This arousal may trigger a response, and the response is trademarked by the image--what kind of man gets a beautiful woman?

Men are stimulated sexually through advertisements in order for the company selling the product to make a sale. What makes sexual desire so effective in marketing? Is it because men can't control their desires? Is it because when a man desires he goes after his desire, or else he is a lesser man?

The scene of a hunter chasing down a deer, or a fisherman winning the big catch. It's all clear, men who take home or have proof of catching, obtaining, claiming power over that which they desire--he is a burly man, a real man, a stud. He is a man who snags the most vivacious babe. But this man is a misguided child.

That which we desire is already a part of us, and our very desire creates an image of what it is that we desire. For me it is enough to desire. Desire has been in my mind for a long time, and I don't think it's going anywhere. Desire is never happy with just one thing. The moment one desire is fulfilled, another desire catches up with me. I have learned to be aware of when it is that I am desiring, and what it is that I am desiring for.

In the case of marketing, I am very attracted to models of underwear. Going to a store or looking in a magazine my desire is immediately tantalized by the latest thing. It doesn't really matter what's inside, it's the packaging and the way it makes me feel that is exciting. But funny, the models themselves aren't for sale, nor can I really feel satisfied by stroking the plastic wrapper--it's not real. But what is?

Is desire real? Or has desire been manufactured? Has it been manipulated? Has it been habitualized, sculpted with a particular goal in mind?

The little boy in me says, "NO! I don't want to be a slave anymore. NO! I don't want to be a victim, and the sex in me to be the vehicle that delivers me there."

Breathing in, I am aware of my desire.
Breathing out, I smile to my desire.

If all we did was to become aware of the things that are happening inside of us, our lives might improve. The anxiety I feel, the anger, the rage, the jealousy--it's all a habit and habit-forming. These things I have allowed to penetrate me, control me, offer me their actions, and I to take their actions on as my own--I turn around and purchase, show, and say to others, "Don't you love it?"

Men, I don't mean not to buy pretty underwear, and not to get excited over the things you see on movies, on billboards, in magazines, and yes, even in your own bedroom. The point is to become aware. Once you are aware, the power is in you. The power has always been in you. And it is up to you to inspire it, to nurture it, to make it your own, and use it in ways that inspire others to love, to desire less, and obtain more peace, freedom and happiness.

When you stop, look and become aware of your desires, you see that anything you've wanted is made possible because you think it can be true. That which you desire is in you, the particles, the cells, the body of it are shared with your particles, cells and body. You only need to make it possible for it to manifest. When you have created the thought, the vision, and the space inside of you and in your life, that which you desire becomes reality. It is your perception that is behind it. It is your awareness that has made it so. Anything is possible. Love, happiness, peace and freedom are already a part of you. Make it so!

HOW TO LIGHTEN UP!

2008-06-06T20:36:00.000-07:00

Thay has offered a most wonderful training to help us with the conflicts we face in ourselves and in the world. It is a simple practice that has been handed down from the Buddha. It is the practice of mindful breathing. Whenever you are tired, you are sad from things you hear on the news or read in the paper, whenever you feel stressed in relationships, you feel angry and irritable, you are invited to return to your breathing. The simple practice is:

Breathing in, I know I am breathing in.
Breathing out, I know I am breathing out.

Breathing in, I feel calm.
Breathing out, I feel at ease.

Breathing in, I smile.
Breathing out, I release all worries, tension and anxiety.

I have underestimated the power of this simple practice. You know those times when someone says something or does something and you just want them to shut up, and you feel guilty and ashamed for thinking such things? Or those times when you hear really terrible news, and your energy suddenly drops, you feel depressed and you don't know what to do? These are the times to put into practice this short meditation.

No matter where you are, what you are doing, this will help you return. We don't need another depressed person, another anxious, worried face. We need compassion. Compassion is the courage to be ourselves in any situation, and to meet ourselves, even through trials, with the conviction that love and peace and centeredness is the most important thing. If we lose our peace, our love, our calm, we lose touch with the ultimate and the impermanence of things. And the hells in which we are working to save people from will become our reality. Then we are hungry ghosts in need of recovery, in need of helping arms to rescue us from suffering. All of us can practice this peace, this love. We don't need to suffer to help relieve the suffering in others. Our own freedom from suffering is the best gift we can offer those who are in need. Practice peace, love and equanimity.

MUSIC AND SPIRITUALITY

2007-08-01T04:55:00.000-07:00
I was twelve years old when I started performing onstage professionally. A group of us put together a benefit concert, educating the public on their choices: to be happy, to be at peace in themselves and in the world, to accept the responsibilities of their actions, and to protect the earth. Our mission, my mission, was to heal the world with music.

Since, I've incorporated spiritual practice into my work. It's been more than ten years since I began training as a yogi and meditator. I remember when I was young hugging trees and touching the earth. I was born with an innate sensitivity to energy, to the energetic body.
The integration of music and spirituality is essential. Music is that unseen energy that affects us so profoundly, that stays with us, that touches our heart, that is so much a part of our lives even when we are not aware of it.

Spirituality is such an individualized thing--the way we get in touch with our spiritual nature is unique to our experience. To know the truth of who you are you must live that impalpable you. When you live that thing, you become real, and that experience, that holy experience becomes something you can touch.

I've put online all the beautiful spiritual orations from Tuesday Night Mindfulness Group as well as retreats we've offered in Las Vegas and Southern Utah. Please feel free to listen to the clips offered on my web-site. And let me know how you feel.

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET A REAL JOB?

2007-08-01T04:54:00.000-07:00
TO THE ARTIST WHO LISTENS TO THOSE VOICES...Tell them to GET REAL!

Music is as close as I get to having a 'real' job. This work requests my full attention twenty-four hours a day. I give it about sixteen, particularly when I'm cutting an album, laying down tracks and mastering. This is an indie's work–relatively quick turn around. I don't expect to sound as well as the pros, but I do expect to get more out of my listeners than any Top 40 recording artist would. I ask for your time, your love, and your commitment to life, healing and recovery. What are we to recover from? From forgetfulness, from running on auto-pilot, and from sinking into despair, anger, hatred, ignorance and greed. Simply, WAKE UP! Make a shift in consciousness that will liberate you, and will bring you back to love, where all beings and the earth can benefit.

The most challenging part of music is putting into practice the message of the music. I can talk about enlightenment all I want in a song, but it is another thing to bring that enlightenment into my way of life.

HOW TO FILL THOSE EMPTY SEATS

2007-08-01T04:50:00.000-07:00
To Audience Members and Performers,

I can't deny-emotion plays a huge role in the decisions I make in life. Especially my career. Where is the heart of the matter? Where is the gut feeling taking you?
I've been practicing yoga and meditation for many years. It has brought me to levels of awareness I'd not thought to reach or open to. All the more difficult to apply the practice to my daily life. How much of it to bring into my work--that work I present to audiences and to myself?

How much of it to let stay at the monastery or on the cushion? I wish to bring all of it to you. When I began healing with music I attempted the safer route of touching one person at a time...creating a ripple into society, into the world. But as I look at the empty seats filling the theater or the meditation hall...I wonder, "Am I doing the right thing? Am I shooting for what I believe to be the power of this work? Can I do more? Can I push the envelope a little further? Let's see!"

Approaching the release of a new CD I'm a bit scared. What to do with it? I've got the notion that spiritual practice and spiritual fulfillment means less, doing less, and receiving more. It doesn't always work. Sometimes to get more we have to work harder to get the message out there. To send it out through light waves and through effort, right effort. What is right effort? It depends on the circumstance. Where do you wish to be?

We author our own destiny. Our actions of body, speech and mind sing multitudes. Our every thought can transform our universe. The thought of love can transmit harmony on this planet. Even in anger I appoint myself to transforming that anger into compassion. What am I really angering for? Anger is a habit. I'm so accustomed to getting angry. When I don't get what I want, I quit, reserve the right not to communicate, and destine myself to fueling the anger inside, tormenting myself and others who happen to be the victims of my anger.

A simple thought--communicate. Not only to the person who is the object of my anger, but also to myself. Communicate what I desire. I have been angry because by now I thought I would be famous. I thought my albums would have sold millions, and that my talent would inspire many many people to transform their suffering into radiance and joy. How have I succeeded? I'm only twenty-seven. I've been performing for a little over a decade. That's not always enough, but it doesn't mean I have failed.

It means just what it is. I've come this far. I've chosen the best way. Everything I've done so far has not been in vain. Time and time again I've engaged in the struggle with the spiritual and material worlds, both require my time and energy, both are one, entangled, enmeshed, inseparable. How can we separate, how can anyone separate the spiritual and material realms? They need each other.

We talk about what happens after we die...but what is death? What is life? We talk of all the things we need to do in the life to fulfill the next life? But what if the next life never comes? What if we are born again right into the moment we left off? Then what? I will be stuck in this same situation, not quite the same, but not quite different either. The only thing that may have change is change. How to be complete with everything that is here now? That is the surest way of being fulfilled, of fulfillment spiritually and other.

Right now is the perfect time to be free. Right now is the perfect occasion to desire what we have. Oh Lord! What a beautiful life. This moment is the best moment of my life. There isn't any other moment I wish to live in.