How to Practice Speaking from the Heart

Dear Beloveds,

Whatever strength and confidence I had in my abilities as a meditation teacher have dwindled.  There have been so many things going on: school and a desk job mainly that have made me question my pursuits in offering retreats and workshops on mindful living.  However, what better way is there to teach mindfulness than to live it, to practice mindfulness in one's daily life?  That is my message for the new year: though we have many distinguished teachers, revered masters that can lead us and guide us on our chosen paths, there is only one person who can walk that path for you--you.  This is not a new message, this is an ancient message, a vital message that my teachers have offered me, and this is what I offer you.

Greeting Conflict

The other day I had an opportunity to engage in loving speech and deep listening with a friend whom I was doing dinner cleanup with at Marpa House where I live.  I could sense the anger in my friend as he was cleaning.  There were many conditions that brought about his anger, one of them was me and the pace at which I was working.  After we were nearly finished, I found the courage to ask him how he was doing.  I told him that I sensed he was angry and wondered if it had to do with something I had said or done.

I was doing everything I could to not get angry myself.  I felt hurt and betrayed.  "How could he be angry at me," I thought.  "Why me?"

I allowed him to speak and I continued to ask questions in response to things he said that I wanted to understand better.  And there were many moments I wanted to runaway, but I stayed.  There were many moments I wanted to chase him out of the kitchen, but I kept him close.  I noticed the power of anger and the power of communication: what it takes to really stay in the moment, to not be distracted and to commit to being there with myself and the other person at the same time.  I found the courage to face my own habit energy and to work with or be vigilant of the other person's habits of body, speech and mind.

The Practice of Speaking from the Heart

Speaking from the heart is a very useful skill in situations such as the one I was in with my friend in the kitchen.  Much of this practice of speaking from the heart is developed through daily life.  I include sitting meditation as part of daily life.  What Buddhist's call practice is not separate from daily life and this must be understood.  One's practice is one's daily life.  How your life is lived is really important.

I spoke on the phone the other day with a friend who was talking about sobriety, how rare it is to find someone, as myself, who is naturally sober.  I'm not sure what she meant exactly in saying I was naturally sober, but I understood what was important for her.  It is important for her to have clarity in her mind.  It is important for her to have a sense of personal responsibility and control over her own bodily actions.  And perhaps in her life she feels a little out-of-control like she can't prevent herself from doing things she knows are self-destructive and may also hurt others.

One thing I would like to share about life: there is no personal, there is only collective.  Everything we have: our mind, our body, our heart is part of the collective, part of everything and everyone.  There are so many conditions providing us with the circumstance and the happenstance of our present moment experience.  Whether you are experiencing joy or suffering, it is a collective joy and collective suffering.

Speaking from the heart is about dwelling in the ultimate, in the experience of oneness--being a part of the collective.  I would like to write on three main principles of speaking from the heart: Openness, Confidence and Blatant Honesty.

Openness is a way of listening, of being receptive to what is going on.  In being receptive, open and in listening there is an expectation that there is more to what is being said.  There are conditions beneath the surface of one's actions that may communicate multitudes more than what words alone can, and even what nonverbal cues can.  There are conditions present that are unseen, unfathomable, and those conditions are a part of the practice of openness.  Be careful not to get stuck in one notion about a person or a thing or a situation.  Be careful about your understanding and make sure that you are making space for things that you do not yet know about or the other person does not yet comprehend.

Confidence is about relating to your own and the other person's aspiration or intent.  This is where clarity of mind comes in.  You may ask yourself: What is the conversation really about?  Where is this conversation going?  Based on my own aspiration, is this conversation helpful?  Will this conversation, and the way it is going fulfill a greater ambition?  Is there a more direct path?

Dealing with confidence is mostly about tracking our own internal landscape.  It is about being in touch with how we are experiencing the current situation within our body, our mind and our feeling self.  If the conversation cannot be remedied or put on the right path, then it might be important to set a time with the person to talk later until there is more clarity around the situation, how each person is feeling and what needs to be said.

It took my friend and I in the kitchen a couple of tries to finally resolve our conflict and come up with a meaningful agreement for next time we are to work together, and to reconcile the ill-feelings that were between us during our current work period.  We spent about an hour talking, engaging and disengaging in conversation as we sorted out our own feelings and concerns.

This is part of my training in the Thich Nhat Hanh Tradition, to resolve conflicts however small.*  So I come into relationships with that underlying intent and aspiration.  If ever there is a conflict, if it can be resolved on the spot, I will do it, no matter how uncomfortable it is.  If it is a conflict that is too big to resolve, then I may tell the person, "I really would like to talk about this now, but I need a little time.  How about we meet in a week or so?  I will give you a call next Friday."  And sometimes it is a conflict in which there is no give, and it feels hopeless to reconcile.

There have been only a few people in my life in which I have had to not talk to or am not talking to, because the conflict between us is too great.  In the case of a conflict that is too hot or too big to solve, then I will hold the person in my heart, I will consider my own experience with the person and work on my own habit energy surrounding the conflict between us.  I work to remove obstacles in myself that may be limiting the possibility of me getting along with the other person.  But, also, I practice patience; the other person may be experiencing something that has really not much to do with me, but is some suffering within them that they need time to heal from.  In any case it is the confidence I have in my practice, in the way I live my life, that allows me to be open and honest with myself and which allows a greater opportunity, when the time comes, to speak from my heart.

With confidence, I have a certain ideal in which I aspire toward.  In terms of sobriety, confidence is very influential.  If a person wishing to be sober identifies and clarifies their confidence, their faith in their ability to be who they really are, who they aspire to be, their confidence may open the door to tremendous energy toward meeting their goal.

Blatant Honesty comes through the other two principles of speaking from the heart.  Honesty is really important in any relationship.  Blatant honesty is crucial.  It is the honesty that is revealed to others and oneself.  When I care about someone it is important to let them know I care--not only through my words, but through an honest and reciprocal expression.

For example, openness means that there is an unknowing part of the relationship, something unseen, some underlying factor that is contributing to this care and to this coming together of two people.  Why my friend and I ended up in the kitchen together is unknown, really.  What we are going to learn from it and how it will affect the rest of our lives is also uncertain.  And with confidence, I am certain about my intent, that I am willing to put myself on the line in order to be the best I can be.

So when I am communicating how I feel, I am in touch with the principles of openness, that I do not have all the answers and am willing to learn along the way.  Openness may be revealed to the other person as humility and wisdom.  As I am communicating I am also in touch with the confidence in my intent.  This confidence may bring a sense of tenderheartedness, sadness even, and a motivating power to what I am trying to express.

Steps Towards Speaking from the Heart

First, we need to be open to all possibilities.  Second, we need to work on identifying what is important to us.  Third, we need to practice, to live, and to be blatantly honest with ourselves and others: am I where I say I am, am I doing what I say I would like to do?

This isn't a shame game.  This is a working with where we are and being honest about it to others and ourselves.  Like I said to my friend in the kitchen, "Right now, I am really feeling hurt, and I don't know if I really want to be in the same room with you." 

Sometimes honesty hurts a person.  It hurts a person when what is said is truthful and it hurts a person when what is said is untruthful too.  And that's perhaps why it is so challenging to speak openly, with confidence, with kindness and honesty from the heart.

I don't want to be the cause of someone's hurt, but sometimes in order to identify what is troubling them, and what is coming between us and creating conflict, I really need to share where I am.  Most importantly to also share how much I care.  "Even though I feel like being angry towards you," I might've said to my friend in the kitchen, "Because I care about you and really would like us to get along the best way we can, I want to listen and to be open to what you have to say, and would like you to hear what I have to say as well."

Nothing we think, say or do is extremely personal, it is always collective, because it affects everyone and everything.  Speaking from the heart allows ourselves to be seen, to be heard and allows all others to be a part of our world explicitly.  When there is no separation between self and other and when there is togetherness in body, speech and mind, there is more peace, more prosperity and more freedom for all. 

©2010 Brian Kimmel.    
www.briankimmel.com

*For a Future to be Possible by Thich Nhat Hanh. Parallax Press, 2007. 

 

Miracle is You Tour Begins with You

Hello Dear Friends,

I'd like you to know of the wonderful new release of the first ever Thriving for Thrivers Audio Program, a Four-Talk Series called Healing Abuse with Mindfulness and Love. I'll be kicking off the release at events I will be doing in Portland, Oregon, a concert on May 15 and a two-day, four hours a day workshop Saturday and Sunday, May 16-17. Just in time for mother's day, give your mom the gift of freedom. Listen to the talks yourself, allow the flow of inspiration to pour into you, and put your True Nature, True Action, True Brilliance to work. You can also give the gift of a download or talk to a mother in your life so she can benefit from the inspiration the talks provide directly.

I've considered awhile whether I should release these talks or not, and have been working on them for several years. Finally, I've decided it is best not to keep them hidden. I've had all sorts of mixed perceptions about the survivors community, and recovery programs, why I haven't wanted to put these talks out and begin to work with survivors really boils down to one thing: FEAR! Ah-ha, fear is a common word, that many in spiritual circles and beyond have used as the cause for many of the world's ills, for me it is true. Fear prevents me from doing many things that I love doing, and that will be potentially helpful for those I love. So I write this letter to you, letting you know that I too have had doubts and fears, and I too am working to blast through them, sit with them and keep moving.

There is no time but the present, so live it. Visit Thriving for Thrivers site now, buy my downloads and CDs and register for my workshop and concert in Portland. If you can't make it, send someone who can--this is a life-changing event that will help you and those around you Thrive, especially in hard times.

Much love and support for you on your journey, Brian

THRIVING FOR THRIVERS

Hi Folks,

It's been a whirlwind of a few months. The start of a new year is so refreshing. This new year was filled with much uncertainty. Finances, Finances, Finances, Money, Money, Money, Fear, Fear, Fear, Love, Love, Love, Freedom, Freedom, Freedom, Peace, Peace, Peace -- One More -- Flow, Flow, Flow.

The secret to success may not be very far away from you. In fact, the secret is within you, but it's no secret at all. What you are doing right now is creating what you will be doing tomorrow. Right now is your life, the thing you are doing is your life.

I've began the work of offering workshops and trainings for thrivers. The first of such workshop will be May 16-17, 2009 in Portland, Oregon. I've chosen a wonderful spot enough for twenty or so people. We have space, however, for only twelve registrants. So, take the next step in your healing and recovering go to my web-site, read the bio on Thriving for Thrivers, and click the option Buy Now for a special price by May 1. Participants in the weekend workshop are invited to a free concert/talk called Beautiful You! that Friday Night, May 15.

The workshop is open to health and wellness practitioners, survivors in the advanced stages of their recovery and partners and friends of survivors. I plan to offer many helpful tools you can bring home with you, or to the office, and the workshop is participatory. We may dance, sing, laugh, cry and reach our hearts to the sky. There will be time for discussion, meditation and relaxation, and you will be sent home with a personalized, strategic action plan, to help you keep on thriving and help those around you thrive.

If you aren't sure if you are a thriver, or not sure what a thriver is check-out an article I came across on Ezine on How to Change from Victim to a Survivor to a Thriver. Even though the article is in business terms, it can be applied to any circumstance. This article discusses three different kinds of people: The Victim, The Survivor and The Thriver. With this knowledge you can identify the category you are in, and choose which category you prefer, and change yourself accordingly. My events, products and services for thrivers will help you thrive!!!

Visit www.briankimmel.com/thrivingforthrivers.html for more information.

WHAT'S MONEY? MONEY MEDITATION

Dear Beloved Friends,

The other day I looked at some dollar bills. Imagine if you were a martian, or a being from another dimension (which most of us are) and you had a Benjamin Franklin $100 in your hands. Staring down at the $100 bill you'd probably have no idea what it was and probably throw it away or something.

Money is a conventional designation, it is what we use to make business and personal transactions with and it's based on a conventionally perceived or collectively accepted idea. It's an agreement, really, that we have made with each other, those in our country and in the rest of the world. In truth though, it is empty, it has no permanent nature.

What if your notion, your idea of a $100 bill suddenly changed? What if you suddenly awakened to the true nature of money? In your hands it means power, the power to buy and sell. But it would be nothing without you. Money depends on you. The life you have is more precious than anything you can buy. Do you buy that? Do you get that?

Many of us may spend our time fixated on ideas, concepts and conventional understandings or agreements, contracts really. I encourage everyone, including myself, to go a bit deeper. What is your true nature? What power do you really have?

Meditation for this week:

Hold a $ bill in your hand, a euro if you are in EU, or an appropriate amount in your own currency, wherever you live--even Mars. Come in contact with the bill in your hand, smell it if you like, lick it if you like, put it up to your ear and see if it speaks to you. However you wish to really get in touch with this bill. Then spend it. Yes, spend. Buy whatever you want. Give it to charity. Whatever you want to do with it that will fit with its conventional purpose: to buy or sell things with. Even if you “save” money, you are really buying a contract with whatever institution you are putting the money into; you’re buying air, time and the resources it takes to manufacture numbers on a screen. It could be perceived as the same even if you’re investing in your front pockets, the underside of your mattress or the hidden place that no one knows about. Anywhere you put your money you are buying time, you are “buying” something. And when you sell something and receive the cash from it, the monetary gain, it’s only really just an exchange. "More" or "less" money comes from the same place. It is important to look within to see what is available for you and what you are available for right now.

The bill you have in your hand is fleeting. And so is the hand that holds it and the mind and body that perceives it. What will more or less bills offer you if you haven't a body and mind to experience the bills with? Use it as it is meant to be used, use it for awareness. Use it to become aware. Use it, but find freedom within.

Any questions or comments, my contacts are everywhere. I am offering online/over-the-phone home-based meditation retreats starting whenever you would like them to, catered to your personal practice needs. Hit me up for more details. Look forward to meeting you or hearing from you soon.

Much Love, Brian

©2008 Brian Kimmel.

IN LIGHT OF THE VIOLENCE OF THE NEWS: “The Ultimate is all there really is.”

Are there really more wars in the world than there has been? Are there really more terrorists, more bombings? It seems that the world has been picking at the same, festering wounds for ages. I don’t remember a time in my 28 years when there wasn’t a bombing somewhere. Whether or not there is more violence, fear, anger and hatred in the world now than there was ten, fifteen, twenty years or more ago seems irrelevant, what is important is to see the connection between the acts of violence and the seed of violence in our own consciousness, and the collective consciousness.

What someone is trying to do is water the seed of fear. Whether that watering happens from actions of our government, supposedly the most powerful and most influential in the world, whether it happens because of the terrorist, or people we see as terrorists who try to make their voices heard—one cannot deny the influence of fear upon the seed of fear within us. It occurs to me that those who commit atrocities do so because they believe or they have knowledge that fear is the ultimate, and that fear can motivate others to action—to more fear.

But to me, fear is like a candle blowing in the wind, it is lit one moment, and with a strong enough blow, it returns from where it came from. Fear is within; it is based upon one’s perception of reality, of what is really going on. And those in power, or those who want power, think that power is in fear, but they are wrong. Power is seeing clearly the results of one’s actions. Power is seeing through the terminal experiences of feelings and happenings in the mundane world. Power is touching something greater within us, that all of us are a part of. We are all united by a common source. Arriving into the remembrance of this unity is really the power that can liberate the world of violence, anger, hatred and fear. All of these feelings are but sensations of the mind and body, and they can do great damage if you let them.

In the face of fear, resist fear. Allow the mind and the body to relax into the comfort of the Ultimate Reality—this is the common source I talk about. Don’t allow the heart for a moment to be consumed. Turn off the T.V., put down the newspaper, step away from your computer and cellphone, and listen to the birds outside your window, stepping onto the soil, the earth, feel your connection to nature, feel the sun, feel the coolness (or the warmth) in the air.

We don’t have to fear. We are conditioned to fear. Let go of the need to fear, let go and surrender to the Ultimate. The Ultimate is a part of you. The Ultimate is a part of everything around you. The Ultimate is all there really is.

©2008 Brian Kimmel.