Resting with Peace and the Benefits of Stopping

About the Retreat - A year ago I made a commitment to fast once a year; and this year, with the support of the Pink House Sangha, we have organized a fasting retreat around the theme of Resting with Peace. You are invited to join us in this opportunity, whether fasting or not, whether in Las Vegas or participating from a distance, to investigate the basic practices and insights that guide us on the path of liberation. Simple practices like sitting and walking meditation, total relaxation, and deep listening can have a direct and profound impact on our daily lives. In our time together we will be able to look more deeply into and explore these topics. 

The Benefits of Stopping - The practice of stopping, one of the four aspects of Shamatha Meditation, as taught by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, involves a deep sense of arriving in the here and now. This ‘sense of arriving’ is something that can be felt in body, heart and mind or what I call, bodyheartmind and requires us to be fully engaged—fully present with ourselves and the world around us. Every time we stop we help all parts of ourselves, including our ancestors to awaken.

I heard in a talk recently by Paula Green, psychologist, peace activist and director of Karuna Center for Peacebuilding, “Healing is prevention.” If we can heal ourselves and help others heal, that is prevention. Sometimes we may think of those in our lives who have been angry, hostile and violent towards us and we see only their anger, hostility and violence; but when we look more deeply we may see their vulnerability, their fear and their inability to renegotiate or heal from the adverse conditions in their life—that which they perceive and that which they have been offered by others. Many of us have been seduced by anger, by greed and by the perpetual escapism that our media and our consumerist culture promote. What we ingest, including our own views, has a powerful impact on our lives.

When we engage in practices such as sitting and walking meditation, and when we take time to rest and to really get to know ourselves, we offer ourselves a kind of food, a kind of sustenance that may liberate us and that may heal the wounds that cause us to suffer and cause us to water seeds of suffering in others. Resting with Peace is a time to gather as a community to practice watering our own and each others wholesome seeds; and to nourish peace, love and understanding within ourselves. What we offer each other as a community of practice is the space and the opportunity to truly rest and heal. We do this through our engagement with the practices offered and through our wholehearted commitment to improving the condition of our lives.

If you would like to participate in Resting with Peace it is on a pay-what-you-can basis. If you plan to fast, please consult your primary care physician, first. You are responsible for monitoring your own progress and researching fasting methods. An outline of our fasting regimen is included in the additional Resting with Peace Fasting Regimen Flyer. You may register using the sheet on the front of this page or at www.briankimmel.com.

Texts by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, published by Parallax Press that we will be using during the retreat, that you may want to purchase and follow along with are: Beyond the Self (2010), Happiness (2009) & Chanting from the Heart (2007).  The Pink House has a supply of Beyond the Self for purchase at a discounted group rate of $8.
©2010 Brian Kimmel

“Believe it because you’ve looked deeply and seen it yourself.”
-Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh (In Reference to the Words of the Buddha) 

Pay What You Can

$375 Whole Retreat $22 morning or evening program $5 downloadable talks Simple Living

IN LIGHT OF THE VIOLENCE OF THE NEWS: “The Ultimate is all there really is.”

Are there really more wars in the world than there has been? Are there really more terrorists, more bombings? It seems that the world has been picking at the same, festering wounds for ages. I don’t remember a time in my 28 years when there wasn’t a bombing somewhere. Whether or not there is more violence, fear, anger and hatred in the world now than there was ten, fifteen, twenty years or more ago seems irrelevant, what is important is to see the connection between the acts of violence and the seed of violence in our own consciousness, and the collective consciousness.

What someone is trying to do is water the seed of fear. Whether that watering happens from actions of our government, supposedly the most powerful and most influential in the world, whether it happens because of the terrorist, or people we see as terrorists who try to make their voices heard—one cannot deny the influence of fear upon the seed of fear within us. It occurs to me that those who commit atrocities do so because they believe or they have knowledge that fear is the ultimate, and that fear can motivate others to action—to more fear.

But to me, fear is like a candle blowing in the wind, it is lit one moment, and with a strong enough blow, it returns from where it came from. Fear is within; it is based upon one’s perception of reality, of what is really going on. And those in power, or those who want power, think that power is in fear, but they are wrong. Power is seeing clearly the results of one’s actions. Power is seeing through the terminal experiences of feelings and happenings in the mundane world. Power is touching something greater within us, that all of us are a part of. We are all united by a common source. Arriving into the remembrance of this unity is really the power that can liberate the world of violence, anger, hatred and fear. All of these feelings are but sensations of the mind and body, and they can do great damage if you let them.

In the face of fear, resist fear. Allow the mind and the body to relax into the comfort of the Ultimate Reality—this is the common source I talk about. Don’t allow the heart for a moment to be consumed. Turn off the T.V., put down the newspaper, step away from your computer and cellphone, and listen to the birds outside your window, stepping onto the soil, the earth, feel your connection to nature, feel the sun, feel the coolness (or the warmth) in the air.

We don’t have to fear. We are conditioned to fear. Let go of the need to fear, let go and surrender to the Ultimate. The Ultimate is a part of you. The Ultimate is a part of everything around you. The Ultimate is all there really is.

©2008 Brian Kimmel.

A PEACEFUL RECOVERY

Dear Survivors,

The one thing I have noticed being a survivor and hearing the stories of other survivors, is there is a link between us and many other people who live with the idea that they should be quiet, that they should shut up, that they should not share completely what is on their heart. Fear of not being liked, fear of saying too much, fear of not being heard, these are complications that exist in many people, and it is an ill of our society.

If we are truly to overcome the painful feelings and experiences that we have lived through, then we are to shatter the belief that we are not good enough, exactly as we are. Everything that has happened to you was meant to be. My mother believed that to be true of our situation with my ex-stepfather Greg. And I believe it to be somewhat true myself. No matter how many times we may bust through our limitations, no matter how many intentions we set, and no matter how much bad Karma we have burned, there seems to be the lingering way of the collective that sometimes dominates our reality.

But when you are a practitioner of the Way, and when you seek refuge in the heart of awakening within, life and its circumstances become less of an obstacle and more of a training ground. We meet our life’s journey with a sort of hesitance now. And we can learn to meet our life’s journey, instead, with faith, with gratitude, and with determination.

We can instill faith in the power of love to guide us. We can instill faith in our ability to come through hardship with more strength, more wisdom, and with the capacity to reveal ourselves with humility, severing our commitments to egoistic desires. As survivors we are to become authentic human beings who meet the challenges of our present day and age with the courage to look beyond our differences, and to shine in our diversity.

We are to become leaders who have fought through the darkness, who have surrendered, and who have given in to the light, the love, the good in everyone. To be awake and aware is truly the gift we have been given by our abusers, and by our society. Without the hardships we have faced, without the turmoil, the pains of being abused, we may not have known this treasure that lives within us, and in every living being.

We have the ability to transcend experiences of the past, present and future. We have the ability to co-create the world we live in. And we have the ability to re-shape our lives just by the way we think, by the way we relate to what we have experienced.

Our life is no longer a battlefield. We may be involved in the many wars in our lifetime, politically, socially and economically. But the greatest war we may have to fight is the war against our anger, our greed, our own divisiveness, our arrogance, and our need to be a victim and to name all the people and things that have perpetrated us.

To be a peacemaker, to have a peaceful recovery, we must face the war within. And we must end that war, and allow the kindness within our heart to dominate. We must allow ourselves to reconcile with the parts of us we have denied, and the parts of others we may refuse to see: Their love, their kindness, their gratitude, and even their despair.

Those we see as our enemies, they are just like us, fighting a war they may not win in this lifetime. They have anger. They have pride. They have greed. They have disappointments. And one time in their life, they may have loved someone with all their heart, and that person may have denied their love, and they may have suffered greatly because of it. They may not have been able to cope with that loss, that denial. And so they let their pain overcome them, their anger won. And they in turn sought revenge through victimizing others. And while victimizing others, their pain, their anger, their hurt and despair increased, and their compulsion became a habit, one which may be very challenging to break.

We all have the potential of abusing others. And we are, right now, a part of a web that co-creates violence, discrimination, and hatred in the world. If we cannot take hold of our emotions, of our bodies, of our minds, and make peace with the parts of ourselves that want to go to war with everything and everyone we have chosen to be an enemy of, we become a perpetrator too. That “evil” is inside of you. That “evil” is a little seed or a big seed in your consciousness, in everyone’s consciousness. It only takes a little watering for that seed to grow. And with more watering, that seed can sprout, and grow bigger and bigger within in us until we cannot hide from it, and we cannot hide it from others.

My wish is to be a peaceful healer, and to have a peaceful recovery with memories of sexual child abuse. My wish is for all those who are survivors, and all those out there who feel they cannot be heard, to be heard. First, listen to yourself. Listen deeply to the story your body, your mind, your heart is telling you. Listen deeply and ask of it to share everything it has to share. Become a friend, a best friend to yourself. That is the Way. That is the love I am talking about.

Survivors and all people can have this love. It is possible. Love is possible for everyone.

In Gratitude for You,
Brian

BEING AMERICAN, BEING GAY, BEING A SURVIVOR OF ABUSE

What makes us survivors? Is it not on the same lines as what makes "gays" gay? I'm gay, and I'm a survivor of sexual child abuse. I'm an American, too. Sometimes it helps to say that I am these things, because it has been challenging, or it is challenging at times to be these things.

I've had a lot of anger towards the gay community, have had anger against Americans (even though I am one) and have had anger for survivors of abuse (I have always considered myself a pro-survivor). All of this being said anger has played a large role in my recovery, whether I do recover, or don't recover. Anger has been linked, not just to my frustration, but to my sadness, to my regrets...I think, "Why do I have to say I'm gay? Why do I have to say I was abused by my stepfather? Why do I have to commit to the nation of my birth?"

I don't always agree with the community at large, even though I am part of that community. I have chosen this road, and I have also been presented with this "choice" through my circumstances. It's hard to admit, first, the truth of what I am in this body, in this life, the truth of what happened to me as child, and the truth of how I've conducted my life post.

I have had hatred in my heart for parts of myself, and when I see others that portray certain characteristics about myself (I'm a little femme) I become hateful of them too. This hate, this anger eats away at my heart. I resist these titles, and in doing so, I feel there is a part of myself that I resist. To truly accept myself without being caught in myself, or my idea of self (because I'm Buddhist and don't agree with a separate self) that is my personal challenge, that is my Karma if you will. That is my journey of recovery, recovering the beauty of my heart: Love, preciousness, freedom and responsibility.

I have a responsibility to my country, and to the people I accept as lovers. I have a responsibility to other survivors, because I have survived. This journey as a survivor is one that I can share with others, and when I share my experiences, my triumphs, and my challenges I feel nourished, and I believe I nourish other survivors and friends of survivors too.

The heart can grow cold. When the heart grows cold with anger, hatred and violence, the habit and the energy of abuse continues in oneself, and in society. Love, Truth and Beauty is the reality of an open heart, an open mind, and a body that breathes life and recovery for the benefit of all. For me, it's more than just agree or disagree it is about what creates more or less suffering. It is inevitable: there will be some pains in life, some hurts, some separation, and something that may cause ill-being. Anger doesn't help anyone. Fear, prejudice, doesn't help anything. But love, love heals all wounds.

When there is love, there is deep-listening, there is openness, honesty, and vulnerability. Being able to show our strengths and our weakness, that is being human.Thank you to everyone for listening, and for sharing your heartfelt sentiments. Keep Thriving!

FIRST, LOVE

I remember the days preceding the trial. A little, frail, twelve year old boy. My parents, family friends, and even my counselors recommended for me to get angry. For me to scream, and throw a fit. To punch a punching bag, beat pillows, and let all that anger go.

I didn't follow their instruction. I was too scared to let my anger go. And it indeed, affected my health. Depression, anxiety, rage, thoughts and acts toward suicide. It's terrible really, the results of our actions.

I can imagine my perpetrator as a twelve year old boy. The anger and hatred in him was most likely severe. By the way he treated me, my mother, and other family members I knew, even as I was a little boy, that his anger must have been growing for a long, long time.

First, love, develop compassion. There is no need to "get angry" really. A need to acknowledge anger, yes. A need to deal with anger, certainly. The way one deals with anger, though, may differ.

I was privvy to acting out with rage as a child. Even before the trial, before I even told anyone about the abuse I was tearing apart my room, getting into fits of rage. I couldn't help it! I didn't know what else to do. "Getting it all out" didn't feel like I got anything out.

When I discovered mindful breathing, that is what really helped. I became aware of my anger.

Aware of anger as I breathe in.
Aware of anger as I breathe out.

Aware of how anger makes me feel in my body, I breathe in.
Aware of how anger makes me feel in my body, I breathe out.

The awareness is the first step in truly loving ourselves. Awareness, not so much the doing. It is the non-doing, the stopping, the taking stock of what is there. Then, that moment is real. That moment reveals itself. What are the lessons to be learned?

First, love. First become aware. When you are aware, then you may have a better sense of what is there. And when you know what is there, then you will know what it is that you need help with, and how others may be able to help you.

First, love. Become aware. And the wonders of life will reveal themselves.