Resting with Peace and the Benefits of Stopping

About the Retreat - A year ago I made a commitment to fast once a year; and this year, with the support of the Pink House Sangha, we have organized a fasting retreat around the theme of Resting with Peace. You are invited to join us in this opportunity, whether fasting or not, whether in Las Vegas or participating from a distance, to investigate the basic practices and insights that guide us on the path of liberation. Simple practices like sitting and walking meditation, total relaxation, and deep listening can have a direct and profound impact on our daily lives. In our time together we will be able to look more deeply into and explore these topics. 

The Benefits of Stopping - The practice of stopping, one of the four aspects of Shamatha Meditation, as taught by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, involves a deep sense of arriving in the here and now. This ‘sense of arriving’ is something that can be felt in body, heart and mind or what I call, bodyheartmind and requires us to be fully engaged—fully present with ourselves and the world around us. Every time we stop we help all parts of ourselves, including our ancestors to awaken.

I heard in a talk recently by Paula Green, psychologist, peace activist and director of Karuna Center for Peacebuilding, “Healing is prevention.” If we can heal ourselves and help others heal, that is prevention. Sometimes we may think of those in our lives who have been angry, hostile and violent towards us and we see only their anger, hostility and violence; but when we look more deeply we may see their vulnerability, their fear and their inability to renegotiate or heal from the adverse conditions in their life—that which they perceive and that which they have been offered by others. Many of us have been seduced by anger, by greed and by the perpetual escapism that our media and our consumerist culture promote. What we ingest, including our own views, has a powerful impact on our lives.

When we engage in practices such as sitting and walking meditation, and when we take time to rest and to really get to know ourselves, we offer ourselves a kind of food, a kind of sustenance that may liberate us and that may heal the wounds that cause us to suffer and cause us to water seeds of suffering in others. Resting with Peace is a time to gather as a community to practice watering our own and each others wholesome seeds; and to nourish peace, love and understanding within ourselves. What we offer each other as a community of practice is the space and the opportunity to truly rest and heal. We do this through our engagement with the practices offered and through our wholehearted commitment to improving the condition of our lives.

If you would like to participate in Resting with Peace it is on a pay-what-you-can basis. If you plan to fast, please consult your primary care physician, first. You are responsible for monitoring your own progress and researching fasting methods. An outline of our fasting regimen is included in the additional Resting with Peace Fasting Regimen Flyer. You may register using the sheet on the front of this page or at www.briankimmel.com.

Texts by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, published by Parallax Press that we will be using during the retreat, that you may want to purchase and follow along with are: Beyond the Self (2010), Happiness (2009) & Chanting from the Heart (2007).  The Pink House has a supply of Beyond the Self for purchase at a discounted group rate of $8.
©2010 Brian Kimmel

“Believe it because you’ve looked deeply and seen it yourself.”
-Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh (In Reference to the Words of the Buddha) 

Pay What You Can

$375 Whole Retreat $22 morning or evening program $5 downloadable talks Simple Living

How to Practice Speaking from the Heart

Dear Beloveds,

Whatever strength and confidence I had in my abilities as a meditation teacher have dwindled.  There have been so many things going on: school and a desk job mainly that have made me question my pursuits in offering retreats and workshops on mindful living.  However, what better way is there to teach mindfulness than to live it, to practice mindfulness in one's daily life?  That is my message for the new year: though we have many distinguished teachers, revered masters that can lead us and guide us on our chosen paths, there is only one person who can walk that path for you--you.  This is not a new message, this is an ancient message, a vital message that my teachers have offered me, and this is what I offer you.

Greeting Conflict

The other day I had an opportunity to engage in loving speech and deep listening with a friend whom I was doing dinner cleanup with at Marpa House where I live.  I could sense the anger in my friend as he was cleaning.  There were many conditions that brought about his anger, one of them was me and the pace at which I was working.  After we were nearly finished, I found the courage to ask him how he was doing.  I told him that I sensed he was angry and wondered if it had to do with something I had said or done.

I was doing everything I could to not get angry myself.  I felt hurt and betrayed.  "How could he be angry at me," I thought.  "Why me?"

I allowed him to speak and I continued to ask questions in response to things he said that I wanted to understand better.  And there were many moments I wanted to runaway, but I stayed.  There were many moments I wanted to chase him out of the kitchen, but I kept him close.  I noticed the power of anger and the power of communication: what it takes to really stay in the moment, to not be distracted and to commit to being there with myself and the other person at the same time.  I found the courage to face my own habit energy and to work with or be vigilant of the other person's habits of body, speech and mind.

The Practice of Speaking from the Heart

Speaking from the heart is a very useful skill in situations such as the one I was in with my friend in the kitchen.  Much of this practice of speaking from the heart is developed through daily life.  I include sitting meditation as part of daily life.  What Buddhist's call practice is not separate from daily life and this must be understood.  One's practice is one's daily life.  How your life is lived is really important.

I spoke on the phone the other day with a friend who was talking about sobriety, how rare it is to find someone, as myself, who is naturally sober.  I'm not sure what she meant exactly in saying I was naturally sober, but I understood what was important for her.  It is important for her to have clarity in her mind.  It is important for her to have a sense of personal responsibility and control over her own bodily actions.  And perhaps in her life she feels a little out-of-control like she can't prevent herself from doing things she knows are self-destructive and may also hurt others.

One thing I would like to share about life: there is no personal, there is only collective.  Everything we have: our mind, our body, our heart is part of the collective, part of everything and everyone.  There are so many conditions providing us with the circumstance and the happenstance of our present moment experience.  Whether you are experiencing joy or suffering, it is a collective joy and collective suffering.

Speaking from the heart is about dwelling in the ultimate, in the experience of oneness--being a part of the collective.  I would like to write on three main principles of speaking from the heart: Openness, Confidence and Blatant Honesty.

Openness is a way of listening, of being receptive to what is going on.  In being receptive, open and in listening there is an expectation that there is more to what is being said.  There are conditions beneath the surface of one's actions that may communicate multitudes more than what words alone can, and even what nonverbal cues can.  There are conditions present that are unseen, unfathomable, and those conditions are a part of the practice of openness.  Be careful not to get stuck in one notion about a person or a thing or a situation.  Be careful about your understanding and make sure that you are making space for things that you do not yet know about or the other person does not yet comprehend.

Confidence is about relating to your own and the other person's aspiration or intent.  This is where clarity of mind comes in.  You may ask yourself: What is the conversation really about?  Where is this conversation going?  Based on my own aspiration, is this conversation helpful?  Will this conversation, and the way it is going fulfill a greater ambition?  Is there a more direct path?

Dealing with confidence is mostly about tracking our own internal landscape.  It is about being in touch with how we are experiencing the current situation within our body, our mind and our feeling self.  If the conversation cannot be remedied or put on the right path, then it might be important to set a time with the person to talk later until there is more clarity around the situation, how each person is feeling and what needs to be said.

It took my friend and I in the kitchen a couple of tries to finally resolve our conflict and come up with a meaningful agreement for next time we are to work together, and to reconcile the ill-feelings that were between us during our current work period.  We spent about an hour talking, engaging and disengaging in conversation as we sorted out our own feelings and concerns.

This is part of my training in the Thich Nhat Hanh Tradition, to resolve conflicts however small.*  So I come into relationships with that underlying intent and aspiration.  If ever there is a conflict, if it can be resolved on the spot, I will do it, no matter how uncomfortable it is.  If it is a conflict that is too big to resolve, then I may tell the person, "I really would like to talk about this now, but I need a little time.  How about we meet in a week or so?  I will give you a call next Friday."  And sometimes it is a conflict in which there is no give, and it feels hopeless to reconcile.

There have been only a few people in my life in which I have had to not talk to or am not talking to, because the conflict between us is too great.  In the case of a conflict that is too hot or too big to solve, then I will hold the person in my heart, I will consider my own experience with the person and work on my own habit energy surrounding the conflict between us.  I work to remove obstacles in myself that may be limiting the possibility of me getting along with the other person.  But, also, I practice patience; the other person may be experiencing something that has really not much to do with me, but is some suffering within them that they need time to heal from.  In any case it is the confidence I have in my practice, in the way I live my life, that allows me to be open and honest with myself and which allows a greater opportunity, when the time comes, to speak from my heart.

With confidence, I have a certain ideal in which I aspire toward.  In terms of sobriety, confidence is very influential.  If a person wishing to be sober identifies and clarifies their confidence, their faith in their ability to be who they really are, who they aspire to be, their confidence may open the door to tremendous energy toward meeting their goal.

Blatant Honesty comes through the other two principles of speaking from the heart.  Honesty is really important in any relationship.  Blatant honesty is crucial.  It is the honesty that is revealed to others and oneself.  When I care about someone it is important to let them know I care--not only through my words, but through an honest and reciprocal expression.

For example, openness means that there is an unknowing part of the relationship, something unseen, some underlying factor that is contributing to this care and to this coming together of two people.  Why my friend and I ended up in the kitchen together is unknown, really.  What we are going to learn from it and how it will affect the rest of our lives is also uncertain.  And with confidence, I am certain about my intent, that I am willing to put myself on the line in order to be the best I can be.

So when I am communicating how I feel, I am in touch with the principles of openness, that I do not have all the answers and am willing to learn along the way.  Openness may be revealed to the other person as humility and wisdom.  As I am communicating I am also in touch with the confidence in my intent.  This confidence may bring a sense of tenderheartedness, sadness even, and a motivating power to what I am trying to express.

Steps Towards Speaking from the Heart

First, we need to be open to all possibilities.  Second, we need to work on identifying what is important to us.  Third, we need to practice, to live, and to be blatantly honest with ourselves and others: am I where I say I am, am I doing what I say I would like to do?

This isn't a shame game.  This is a working with where we are and being honest about it to others and ourselves.  Like I said to my friend in the kitchen, "Right now, I am really feeling hurt, and I don't know if I really want to be in the same room with you." 

Sometimes honesty hurts a person.  It hurts a person when what is said is truthful and it hurts a person when what is said is untruthful too.  And that's perhaps why it is so challenging to speak openly, with confidence, with kindness and honesty from the heart.

I don't want to be the cause of someone's hurt, but sometimes in order to identify what is troubling them, and what is coming between us and creating conflict, I really need to share where I am.  Most importantly to also share how much I care.  "Even though I feel like being angry towards you," I might've said to my friend in the kitchen, "Because I care about you and really would like us to get along the best way we can, I want to listen and to be open to what you have to say, and would like you to hear what I have to say as well."

Nothing we think, say or do is extremely personal, it is always collective, because it affects everyone and everything.  Speaking from the heart allows ourselves to be seen, to be heard and allows all others to be a part of our world explicitly.  When there is no separation between self and other and when there is togetherness in body, speech and mind, there is more peace, more prosperity and more freedom for all. 

©2010 Brian Kimmel.    
www.briankimmel.com

*For a Future to be Possible by Thich Nhat Hanh. Parallax Press, 2007. 

 

MINDFULNESS TRAININGS MENTORSHIP PROGRAM
Starts this FALL, October 01 - December 17, 2009 - It's Free! Visit http://www.briankimmel.com/mentoring.html

This fall, beginning October 1, 2009 I will be offering a Mindfulness Trainings Mentorship Program. I have created a yahoo group that will be used as the primary source of communication along with personal e-mails, phone calls and in-person meetings. More information is posted on my web-site.

If you are interested in signing up send me a short e-mail with your request to join, and I will send you an invite. This group is only open to those who have been invited, so if you have a friend who w ould like to join, please have them send me their e-mail address and phone number and I will happily send them an invitation. This is a wonderful opportunity for you to receive the support you need for your practice and personal growth and to learn how to involve others in the practice and growth.

Lamps, Light Bulbs and Setting Flies Free

Dear Beloved Friends,

I have intentionally made this 'brian kimmel blog' as a way to bring all my parts together, all parts of me that have a voice and feel they need to be heard. Tonight, I have imported blogs from two of my other blogs: Mindful Male Survivor and Musically Aware. As I was reading through the blogs (I have included the whole collection, unrevised) I noticed how much I have grown, and how much has changed in my life, and in our life as a spiritual family.

I have written on many topics that you may find interesting. One blog I have not included (yet) is the Las Vegas Luvs Mindfulness blog, which was the blog for the meditation group I lead called Tuesday Night Mindfulness Group. In the Las Vegas Luvs Mindfulness blog you will find several years worth of entries, that are rather personal and showed a lot of heart--not only speaking about the inspiration from within my own heart, but of the inspiration of the group of dedicated practitioners who met at the Pink House over the four years it was hosted there.

What amazes me is the strength of the sangha (spiritual community from all traditions and all walks of life, including cats, insects and other beings) that pours through. Even though I have written from my own experience, and from my own point of view, it seems like the heart of the sangha is revealed. I truly feel the sense of the community, how it felt to be there, sitting in a circle, feeling the presence of all who were there, and of all who thought about being there, and all who were brought along even when they had no clue they were there. How much a part of my life Tuesday Night Mindfulness Group has played a part in, it is yet to be discovered. I'm sure years from now new insights will be revealed. Really, my time in Las Vegas revolved around spiritual practice. Spiritual anything isn't usually the first thing that comes to mind when one thinks of Las Vegas, I know. But for me, spirituality is the first thing that comes up.

Living in the Valley was a precious gift. Las Vegas really is a place of wonders. Standing on the strip there is a magnanimous energy--one of the brightest cities on the planet--radiating not only the power of billions of lights from lamps and light bulbs, but radiating light from thousands upon thousands of people, visitors and residents alike searching for a deeper place and experimenting with the yearning to find themselves. If we lose enough, if we can lose it all, then there is a potential of finding something rare indeed.

Life posses an extreme magic, much more than the magic that can be presented on a stage. Life brings forth the magic of our humanity. Life brings forth the magic of our humility. Life brings forth the magic of our innermost truth, which happens to be where we also can meet the world. What is the deepest yearning? Is it the yearning to be rich? Is it the yearning to be loved? Is it the yearning to be free from bondage: societal, familial, or individual?

Yearning of any kind means that there is something deeper. Yearning of any kind means that at the root there is something rare and precious indeed--yet to be discovered. If we should discover that rare and precious thing, we should no longer have that yearning, and all yearnings would be quenched.

Fear not Las Vegas taking hold of you. Use its power, its energy to fuel the search for something genuine, something totally real, something totally essential. I have lived not many years in this body, but something inside of me has lived for a long, long time. Time is really irrelevant to the question of maturity. You may have heard that it is not how long one has lived, it is how well one is living that brings about wisdom and beauty. At the source, you are wise and beautiful. Let that wisdom and beauty shine forth, and everything else will take care of itself.


The other day I liberated a fly from the kitchen. I thought in my mind as I watched it buzzing around the refrigerator door that it was looking for an exit. I wasn't sure, really, if it was aware or not of its predicament. And I wasn't really certain whether or not there even was a predicament. But the thought in my head insisted, "Liberating the fly is the best thing to do." Perhaps the fly never wanted to be liberated. Perhaps it wasn't even looking for a way out.

I thought of the many people who have come into my life who I have wanted to help, who I thought needed help, and for whom I took the initiative to help. With all my effort I talked the fly into being still so that I could catch it in a wadded-up paper towel. It obeyed, calmed itself for a split-second and stood still, naked and vulnerable on the refrigerator door--“I got you!”

As I was taking him outside I could feel him underneath my lightly closed palm. A little being with a little, beating heart. I talked with him for a bit as I opened the door with one hand, "I'm going to let you outside. You may not have wanted this, and I'm sorry if it is an inconvenience for you. If you come inside again, someone else may not let you out, but will kill you. So you better stay out."

I'm not too sure if the world outside is better for a fly or not, but at least the killing would be done by necessity--something, somewhere needs the flies nourishment to continue living. If inside, and killed by human hands, then not only the fly suffers, but the human hand who committed the act bears the weight of that act on their shoulders. A little being, but nonetheless a being.

"There you go!" I exclaimed joyfully as the fly lifted into flight from my open palm.

Think of how many flies you have experienced in your life. Little beings, sharing the same air we breathe. Think, then, of all the opportunities in the future you may have to save another beings life from unnecessary death and suffering. If you concentrated just on flies, you could save probably ten in the next few days. Over your life it could amount to hundreds if not thousands. Insignificant--not at all!

The simple act of feeling compassion benefits you tremendously. Studies have been done on compassion and the benefits of expressing compassion on your mental and physical health. Think of all the other living beings you may neglect saving out of fear--Spiders, ants, bees. Have you ever thought, "Maybe this fly is trying to communicate with me. Maybe this fly really wants to be in my company."

I enjoy flies as long as they behave. Flies are notorious for misbehaving when we don't want them to. In my experience, just as I have let go of the neurosis of 'wanting a fly to go away' the fly sits still. Sometimes when I am giving a talk or doing sitting meditation a fly will come and land on my shoulder, or my arm, or leg or sometimes my nose. I have come to enjoy the company of some flies. Sometimes they will be funny and land on my nose on purpose just so I will know that they are there, and that I should be there too. After I become more present, then they will sit on my arm and meditate with me.

It is very nice sangha-building to sit with flies. Little beings who yearn for some of the same things I yearn for. Little beings who are seekers, but don't know that they are seeking. Little beings that are frightened in a world of hostilities, anger and tremendous unresponsiveness to suffering. What flies show me is that underneath the superficial ideas I have about the world, my place in the world, and the worlds place in me--beneath all of it is something vast. Something so wonderful that it can't be mentioned by name.

Wonderful, magical wonders are happening everyday, and are available for you to discover through simple means. Catch a fly and set it free. Catch someone dear and tell them how much you love them. Say hi to someone you don’t know. Greet a child or an animal with tenderness, kindness and friendship. These are all simple ways you can help yourself to be free.

Many blessings on your journey.

Love, Brian

©2009 Brian Kimmel.

Visit my web-site to view updated information about events, products and services I offer: www.briankimmel.com. I am now licensed and am taking appointments for massage in Colorado.