My question is, "What if you live in the center of being already? What if you are already what you are looking for, seeking, and practicing to become? Then, what will you do? Who will you be? How will you live your life?"
There have been a few developments lately. In an effort to make my work more accessible I have postponed the Home-Based Meditation Retreat scheduled to start on Dec 31. For those of you who have already signed up--not to fear, many of my most recent talks are posted for free on my lulu site: http://www.lulu.com/briankimmelstore. I will be available through consult over the phone, by suggested donation $1 / minute. If you would like to receive consult, e-mail or give me a call and we will setup an appointment. Regular sessions over-the-phone or in person are better than a home-based retreat, because the time is completely tailored to your needs.
If you would like to pay for retreats you have attended, talks you have downloaded or listened to, and services like phone consultations and deep listening sessions please see my web-site www.briankimmel.com or the column beside my blog. On my front page below the picture under the metta prayer on the left hand column is a menu option saying Retreats: press the arrow beside it with your mouse pointer to scroll down. Choose Retreat, Talks, Workshops, Services, Downloads or Concerts if you like by pressing the highlighted selection with your mouse pointer. Then, in the white box above the “Pay Now” button, type in what you are making a gift for (like what specific talk or music you downloaded, what retreat or talk you attended or would like to attend, or what service you received). Finally, press “Pay Now” and it will bring you to pay pal checkout, and you can fill in the amount you'd like to offer there made payable by any major credit card or debit to Brian Kimmel.
These contributions will help support my daily living, transportation and materials I may need for research, equipment for recording and editing talks and music, as well as, publicity for events and any press-kits I will need to send out for event proposals and touring engagements. Your financial support is of great benefit, and will enable me to help more people through the practices and insights I have presented to you. I look forward to being available in more ways through this work, and to be able to invite others to assist me on this journey of sharing.
In Gratitude with the highest merit,
Brian
©2008 Brian Kimmel.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
OUR INTRINSIC NATURE
Dear Friends,
I'd like to share my definition, first, of conventional designation. A conventional designation is a name placed on anything that can be conceived of, rationalized, materialized or that changes according to view. Basically, everything is a conventional designation except source. What we are doing is relating to life in terms of a view or an idea of life that we have adopted. Conventional designations as my teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh has said, "Makes life easier." Sometimes it is necessary in our day to day experience to use words like "I" and "Mine" and "Theirs" and "Ours" but without the understanding of your intrinsic nature, you'll be deceived. Suffering, even the joys accompanying suffering are illusory, they come from the concept of "I" and "Mine." This is what I call the "Making of Mine."
In terms of survivors of abuse, and my own recovery, I have had to look at three root conventional designations that I have been holding as intrinsically wrong: Sex with a stepfather (parental figure), Sex with a male, sex as a child (rape). With the view that these three occurrences are intrinsically wrong, I would be held in the idea that a part of me, a part of my life was wrong. And that notion of wrong creates a pattern, a conditioned way of living and relating to life and the world. I can be trapped in what is commonly known as "Victimhood."
I don't say "victimhood" lightly. It's not the sort of victimhood that victims, or those caught in the view of self and other, call each other, it's the victimhood that we are forming within ourselves. What I have needed to do and what made all the difference in my recovery was this release of the idea that there is or was something intrinsically wrong with me, with an experience I had. And looking back on the experience I see it in a new way. An experience can never be the same, cannot really be stuck in time. It may feel that way, and it may appear that way, and one may suffer in the same way, with the same sort of pain and hurt, but it is not the same. How can it be the same? The experience can only be experienced truthfully as it is happening.
Whatever the mind does with what is experienced, whatever the body does with the experience, is removed from what the experience actually is or was. Now it becomes a perception, it is perceived, it is conventionalized, it is conceived of by the mind--and from that perception, without awareness, grows habit-energy. Habit energy is an unconsciousness manifestation of consciousness.
At the very base of who we think we are, is this notion of "self" and "other." At deaths door, on deaths table, everyone is faced with this notion of self. And those who succeed in vanquishing the notion of self will not return. Those who cannot release the notion of self will return, or will continue to live, in forgetfulness.
"Self" is defined as something other than what everyone else is. Although we have our separateness, there is a unique way in which all of us come-to-be, we are a unique flowering of consciousness as source, and it is only through togetherness that we exist.
"Wrong" is a conventional designation. It's an idea that we have adopted within ourselves, based on a certain accepted belief in society (or not accepted depending upon the source of the idea). If I continually hold onto the view of the three things about my experience with abuse that I felt to be wrong (emphasis on the "view" of it being "wrong") I subject myself to suffering, and the habit energy of "mine" never ceasing in the samsaric realm of birth, death, and the subsequent joys and pains associated with craving and desire.
Look into a conventional designation in terms of Kharma, or results of actions. Behind every action is a thought, behind every thought is volition, will and a view, behind every view is a habitualized relationship to an "I," a self, an entity, a soul existing separately from the source, that continually manifests experiences through the view of self and other, inside and outside, and all polarized extremes (i.e. Christian, non-Christian; Buddhist, non-Buddhist; friend, enemy).
What is not a conventional designation is that place which everything comes from, that thing which isn't a thing at all that unites us all, and is our intrinsic nature (in togetherness). Everything is consciousness as source, experiencing itself and nothing more. What we have been experiencing as life, really, is a delusion, an illusory concept of reality. Life cannot be contained within a concept, within a notion, within a thought, within an idea, an ideology (even the ones I am proposing now); life is far vaster than anything that can be materialized completely in one form, and yet it is all there in everything we can come in contact with.
What we have, and what we can develop is the expansiveness of our being. Having seen the darkness, the suffering, the joys in suffering--the delusion, the craving, and the stickiness to forms we release that which binds us to a material existence, one that in its very nature is impermanent. What unites us is intrinsically alive in its vastness, continually manifesting itself throughout the world of phenomena, the world we experience through our senses, our thoughts and our convictions. Life is too rare to be confined within a permanent idea of self, soul and other.
©2008 Brian Kimmel.
I'd like to share my definition, first, of conventional designation. A conventional designation is a name placed on anything that can be conceived of, rationalized, materialized or that changes according to view. Basically, everything is a conventional designation except source. What we are doing is relating to life in terms of a view or an idea of life that we have adopted. Conventional designations as my teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh has said, "Makes life easier." Sometimes it is necessary in our day to day experience to use words like "I" and "Mine" and "Theirs" and "Ours" but without the understanding of your intrinsic nature, you'll be deceived. Suffering, even the joys accompanying suffering are illusory, they come from the concept of "I" and "Mine." This is what I call the "Making of Mine."
In terms of survivors of abuse, and my own recovery, I have had to look at three root conventional designations that I have been holding as intrinsically wrong: Sex with a stepfather (parental figure), Sex with a male, sex as a child (rape). With the view that these three occurrences are intrinsically wrong, I would be held in the idea that a part of me, a part of my life was wrong. And that notion of wrong creates a pattern, a conditioned way of living and relating to life and the world. I can be trapped in what is commonly known as "Victimhood."
I don't say "victimhood" lightly. It's not the sort of victimhood that victims, or those caught in the view of self and other, call each other, it's the victimhood that we are forming within ourselves. What I have needed to do and what made all the difference in my recovery was this release of the idea that there is or was something intrinsically wrong with me, with an experience I had. And looking back on the experience I see it in a new way. An experience can never be the same, cannot really be stuck in time. It may feel that way, and it may appear that way, and one may suffer in the same way, with the same sort of pain and hurt, but it is not the same. How can it be the same? The experience can only be experienced truthfully as it is happening.
Whatever the mind does with what is experienced, whatever the body does with the experience, is removed from what the experience actually is or was. Now it becomes a perception, it is perceived, it is conventionalized, it is conceived of by the mind--and from that perception, without awareness, grows habit-energy. Habit energy is an unconsciousness manifestation of consciousness.
At the very base of who we think we are, is this notion of "self" and "other." At deaths door, on deaths table, everyone is faced with this notion of self. And those who succeed in vanquishing the notion of self will not return. Those who cannot release the notion of self will return, or will continue to live, in forgetfulness.
"Self" is defined as something other than what everyone else is. Although we have our separateness, there is a unique way in which all of us come-to-be, we are a unique flowering of consciousness as source, and it is only through togetherness that we exist.
"Wrong" is a conventional designation. It's an idea that we have adopted within ourselves, based on a certain accepted belief in society (or not accepted depending upon the source of the idea). If I continually hold onto the view of the three things about my experience with abuse that I felt to be wrong (emphasis on the "view" of it being "wrong") I subject myself to suffering, and the habit energy of "mine" never ceasing in the samsaric realm of birth, death, and the subsequent joys and pains associated with craving and desire.
Look into a conventional designation in terms of Kharma, or results of actions. Behind every action is a thought, behind every thought is volition, will and a view, behind every view is a habitualized relationship to an "I," a self, an entity, a soul existing separately from the source, that continually manifests experiences through the view of self and other, inside and outside, and all polarized extremes (i.e. Christian, non-Christian; Buddhist, non-Buddhist; friend, enemy).
What is not a conventional designation is that place which everything comes from, that thing which isn't a thing at all that unites us all, and is our intrinsic nature (in togetherness). Everything is consciousness as source, experiencing itself and nothing more. What we have been experiencing as life, really, is a delusion, an illusory concept of reality. Life cannot be contained within a concept, within a notion, within a thought, within an idea, an ideology (even the ones I am proposing now); life is far vaster than anything that can be materialized completely in one form, and yet it is all there in everything we can come in contact with.
What we have, and what we can develop is the expansiveness of our being. Having seen the darkness, the suffering, the joys in suffering--the delusion, the craving, and the stickiness to forms we release that which binds us to a material existence, one that in its very nature is impermanent. What unites us is intrinsically alive in its vastness, continually manifesting itself throughout the world of phenomena, the world we experience through our senses, our thoughts and our convictions. Life is too rare to be confined within a permanent idea of self, soul and other.
©2008 Brian Kimmel.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
IN LIGHT OF THE VIOLENCE OF THE NEWS: “The Ultimate is all there really is.”
Are there really more wars in the world than there has been? Are there really more terrorists, more bombings? It seems that the world has been picking at the same, festering wounds for ages. I don’t remember a time in my 28 years when there wasn’t a bombing somewhere. Whether or not there is more violence, fear, anger and hatred in the world now than there was ten, fifteen, twenty years or more ago seems irrelevant, what is important is to see the connection between the acts of violence and the seed of violence in our own consciousness, and the collective consciousness.
What someone is trying to do is water the seed of fear. Whether that watering happens from actions of our government, supposedly the most powerful and most influential in the world, whether it happens because of the terrorist, or people we see as terrorists who try to make their voices heard—one cannot deny the influence of fear upon the seed of fear within us. It occurs to me that those who commit atrocities do so because they believe or they have knowledge that fear is the ultimate, and that fear can motivate others to action—to more fear.
But to me, fear is like a candle blowing in the wind, it is lit one moment, and with a strong enough blow, it returns from where it came from. Fear is within; it is based upon one’s perception of reality, of what is really going on. And those in power, or those who want power, think that power is in fear, but they are wrong. Power is seeing clearly the results of one’s actions. Power is seeing through the terminal experiences of feelings and happenings in the mundane world. Power is touching something greater within us, that all of us are a part of. We are all united by a common source. Arriving into the remembrance of this unity is really the power that can liberate the world of violence, anger, hatred and fear. All of these feelings are but sensations of the mind and body, and they can do great damage if you let them.
In the face of fear, resist fear. Allow the mind and the body to relax into the comfort of the Ultimate Reality—this is the common source I talk about. Don’t allow the heart for a moment to be consumed. Turn off the T.V., put down the newspaper, step away from your computer and cellphone, and listen to the birds outside your window, stepping onto the soil, the earth, feel your connection to nature, feel the sun, feel the coolness (or the warmth) in the air.
We don’t have to fear. We are conditioned to fear. Let go of the need to fear, let go and surrender to the Ultimate. The Ultimate is a part of you. The Ultimate is a part of everything around you. The Ultimate is all there really is.
©2008 Brian Kimmel.
Monday, December 1, 2008
COMMIT TO SIT FOUR HOURS A DAY
There is something to fear about meditation. Meditation is getting to know the ultimate, the source of who you are. In that space, nothing is perfect, nothing is good enough—the drive, the motivation, the encouragement to keep going is supreme, and yet there must be a letting go, a surrendering to what is for perfection to be realized. The sound of one hand clapping, a falling tree in the forest without an ear around to hear it, all surpassed by the shadows that now spring forth. Those places that have been untouched, unseen, forgotten about and hidden and the faces of ourselves, our true selves appear, the masks we’ve worn, the faces of selfishness, greed, niceness and pleasures—all of them have been knock-offs of the real thing. Now seen, now experienced with every sound, every taste, every sensation of the mind and body amplified billions of times over depending how far one goes, how deep one sinks into the void. But the pleasure of it, the desire for it, and the return to it is far greater than any pleasure, any desire, any return—and so we make it, that journey over and over again until our journey is complete, and only until it is complete.
COMMIT TO SIT FOUR HOURS A DAY
You probably already sit four hours a day or more, but you don’t know that you are sitting. So, this month in time for your New Year’s Resolution commit to sit, when you are sitting be aware that you are sitting. Wherever you are sitting: On the toilet, in the car, on a chair in your office, on the sofa in front of the T.V. or on a meditation cushion or bench you can bring awareness to your seat. You may like to say to yourself immediately when you remember your commitment, and become aware that you remember, “Breathing in, I am aware that I am seated. Breathing out, I am aware that I am seated.”
STILLNESS
Ha! And in the times that you are seated on a cushion, a bench, the floor, or a chair for sitting meditation allow yourself the time to rest—no need to worry about whether you are doing it right, just do it, just be there. If you can become still in your body, as still as you can be without becoming rigid, this is a relaxed stillness, then your mind may be able to be still. Stillness does not mean not moving—just the opposite—stillness means movement, it means change, it means impermanence.
MOVEMENT
Sometimes in meditation you may be inclined to move, you may feel a tightness in your body, and your immediate reaction is to want to move that part of your body, to uncross your legs, circle your neck, or undue your gaze—do what you need to do to be comfortable before you settle into the meditation, fix your posture so that you can rest. And in this resting fix your mind on your breath, fix your mind on the phenomena of change—that everything is changing, and there is no need for manipulation of this change. This change happens regardless if we want it to or not.
Those who come to meditation may have come to unburden themselves from the harshness of this world, you may have come because you are suffering with guilt, with shame and are in despair. Or you may have come because you want a greater sense of happiness, a greater sense of freedom, a greater sense of love. So you come to meditation and you think meditation will change you, and it will. That is something to fear. Because the life we have been living is not enough, how can it ever be? The ultimate is such an expanse, and until you are aware of the ultimate in you, and expand your awareness and your capacity to be aware, you may never know the greatness that is you. This is not an intellectual feat, it is not an experience based on craving and desire.
Meditation is a complete annihilation of the world and of the life we know. And the more you become extinct, the greater opportunity you have in it, this world and everything in it becomes a field of merits, which can expound the universe through every breath. What is a movement of a leg or an arm in meditation, compared to the expansiveness of being the ultimate? Sometimes it is only habit energy. Sometimes it is only mind telling you it is bored, it is tired, it is craving a reaction, but stillness knows more.
BREATH
The breath becomes silent, unobstructed by our physical, mental and emotional holdings. The breath becomes a surveyor of the soul, a guide, a vehicle for transformation. Through this silence, this stillness, this becoming aware we graduate into the world of the unknown, and being there one has to continually nourish it, continually return, both in meditation and in daily life. Daily life must bring you to earth, and to step solidly on earth and penetrate with every step into the ultimate one step at a time.
©2008 Brian Kimmel.
A home-based meditation retreat for survivors of abuse and everyone will start Dec. 31 more details and registration available at briankimmel.com, call (702) 461-8422 or e-mail retreats@briankimmel.com.
COMMIT TO SIT FOUR HOURS A DAY
You probably already sit four hours a day or more, but you don’t know that you are sitting. So, this month in time for your New Year’s Resolution commit to sit, when you are sitting be aware that you are sitting. Wherever you are sitting: On the toilet, in the car, on a chair in your office, on the sofa in front of the T.V. or on a meditation cushion or bench you can bring awareness to your seat. You may like to say to yourself immediately when you remember your commitment, and become aware that you remember, “Breathing in, I am aware that I am seated. Breathing out, I am aware that I am seated.”
STILLNESS
Ha! And in the times that you are seated on a cushion, a bench, the floor, or a chair for sitting meditation allow yourself the time to rest—no need to worry about whether you are doing it right, just do it, just be there. If you can become still in your body, as still as you can be without becoming rigid, this is a relaxed stillness, then your mind may be able to be still. Stillness does not mean not moving—just the opposite—stillness means movement, it means change, it means impermanence.
MOVEMENT
Sometimes in meditation you may be inclined to move, you may feel a tightness in your body, and your immediate reaction is to want to move that part of your body, to uncross your legs, circle your neck, or undue your gaze—do what you need to do to be comfortable before you settle into the meditation, fix your posture so that you can rest. And in this resting fix your mind on your breath, fix your mind on the phenomena of change—that everything is changing, and there is no need for manipulation of this change. This change happens regardless if we want it to or not.
Those who come to meditation may have come to unburden themselves from the harshness of this world, you may have come because you are suffering with guilt, with shame and are in despair. Or you may have come because you want a greater sense of happiness, a greater sense of freedom, a greater sense of love. So you come to meditation and you think meditation will change you, and it will. That is something to fear. Because the life we have been living is not enough, how can it ever be? The ultimate is such an expanse, and until you are aware of the ultimate in you, and expand your awareness and your capacity to be aware, you may never know the greatness that is you. This is not an intellectual feat, it is not an experience based on craving and desire.
Meditation is a complete annihilation of the world and of the life we know. And the more you become extinct, the greater opportunity you have in it, this world and everything in it becomes a field of merits, which can expound the universe through every breath. What is a movement of a leg or an arm in meditation, compared to the expansiveness of being the ultimate? Sometimes it is only habit energy. Sometimes it is only mind telling you it is bored, it is tired, it is craving a reaction, but stillness knows more.
BREATH
The breath becomes silent, unobstructed by our physical, mental and emotional holdings. The breath becomes a surveyor of the soul, a guide, a vehicle for transformation. Through this silence, this stillness, this becoming aware we graduate into the world of the unknown, and being there one has to continually nourish it, continually return, both in meditation and in daily life. Daily life must bring you to earth, and to step solidly on earth and penetrate with every step into the ultimate one step at a time.
©2008 Brian Kimmel.
A home-based meditation retreat for survivors of abuse and everyone will start Dec. 31 more details and registration available at briankimmel.com, call (702) 461-8422 or e-mail retreats@briankimmel.com.
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